As I stand before the mountain of confidence called hope, I see a clear path up, not too steep, not too straight, but this path is embodied with rewards to the top.

At the top, there is a magnificent tree made of gold, silver leaves and Copper roots. Hope mountain held a perfect prize awaiting me, a Tree called Faith.
This sight to behold was everything I wanted, everything before me was so clear, but at the bottom where I was, there was a River.

This River was called Shame.
This river was filthy, the water was calm where I was, but looking downstream I could see the rapids of rage, the ripples of conditioning before the raging rapids were inviting.

The dreary stonewalling fortification on the banks allowed no light through, downstream was scary and looked impossible, why would I go that way? why even look?
I looked upstream and saw a blinding light, what could this be? I was so curious, so I waited, a true gentleman always waits.

Two days later the light took shape, as it came closer I could finally see, I could see a lifeboat with a caring nurturing beautiful woman.

As this beautiful woman came closer, I could see the river was being supplied by this woman, I could see she was the source.

The river of Shame was being fed by this woman, this filth in front of me was coming from her, but the beauty was something I've never seen, this beauty had me curious.

This beauty made me forget of the supply to the river.
  What I saw wasn't real all the sudden, what I believed was now real.
She came close enough for my heart to be heard, since she had no heart she was envious, she hated what others admired.

She wanted my wholesome heart, so she used her falsehood love bombing to create one, dreamingly admiring the mountain, we were planning different paths right then.
As I stared at the golden Tree of Faith glowing upon Hope mountain, I didn't notice the river was rising, as the numbing waters were rising it covered my feet, I didn't notice she also took a piece of my heart to claim as her own.

She used toxic gas and light to create a projection that this heart was hers to give back to me.

I didn't know any better so I accepted this ambient abused heart, this unfelt abuse gave me amnesia, this hidden poison of my cognitive dissonance gave her all of me.

Since she had nothing and that's what she craves, I had everything so she wanted to enslave.
I forget about the mountain with the tree even being there. I forgot I was here.

Her lifeboat was awkward, it was shaky,
it has imperfections, it has holes,
   her lifeboat is sinking,
     her heart is missing.
my knightly kind hearted empathy,
   my buffering and nurturing sympathy         pick this beautiful woman up
      I pick this gem up because of her idealization of me.
I can clean this insidious gem because she makes me believe, but through the veil I cannot see.
I throw her over my shoulder to carry all her weight, it's hard to move, hard to breathe, building a new boat was extremely hard, carrying her pain was extremely hard.

Everyone thought it was impossible to do it, my shear will power to commit ****** one foot in front of the other, I just didn't know that going downstream was impossible.

What about the mountain?

I couldn't remember from the amnesia, the dark night blinded my sight of the mountain, the drug in me was you and it consumed, i fell in love with misery and misery loves it's companies.

I stared the snake behind the veil in the eyes, standing tall on her pedastool made of spackle it breaks, I fall onto piercing confusion, I pull out shrapnel's of dissolution, I'm covered in her blood of invalidation.

I'm already floating in the boat with her, this wasn't my plan, this wasn't my reality.
I gaze upon this woman, sun shining behind her, no clouds in the sky.
floating downstream she tells me it's faster, that we'll end up behind the mountain higher.

I'm not worried now, I'm now contempt with shame.
I already forgot reality, I already forgot i'm going downstream, I forgot the searing pain, I forgot what I believe.

I'm relaxed, I'm tired, I'm still happy in love with this spellbound misery.

As we drift slowly through the stonewalls, no light shines through, I ask her for assurance, it's getting dark, I'm getting scared.

That's when the veil comes off, that's when the unnatural beauty grows quiet, that's when my voice screams silently within these stone walls.

This isn't her, this isn't real,
I know there's love I can feel, that was our bond, that was our deal, not to steal.

I fall over board and the water is cold, there's leaches, the debris is so random, the shameful water is moving faster, the all consuming cold confusion, random gaslighting and triangulations moving in around me faster.

I immediately can't bear it. My heart pulsates hard, my mind misfires my flight mode, i cannot intake the overbearingly unowned toxic Shame, her coldness activated my fawn mode, I froze, I start to doze.

luckily she had my leg, luckily she knew excessive admiration CPR, just as my body went limp in the agonizing River of Shame, she pulls me out. luckily she got me just in time, luckily she saved my life.

I awoke away from the stonewalls, it's sunny and safe again, we're together through impossible odds, we built this boat and she saved my life.

The abuse amnesia made me forget, the cognitive dissonance was real, I am not.

The mountain was now farther away, I was worried, I grew fearful, what I wanted looked farther away, that's when everything became gloomy, my goal was no longer there, but she didn't care, she knew where the river went, I believed her, I still do.

The ambient abuse made me anxious, the atmosphere was maddening of fear, it carried anxiety, I couldn't see it, but I was breathing it in.

Her eyes were so incapacitating, her heart disorienting, her soul captivating, she had a better plan, for us to press on and build another boat, to add another life, to believe in her, to not stare at the knife.

We build another boat, were out of the shame waters finally, she's helping me, were soon to be a real family, but the only thing real here was me.

Everything is better on the land, were dry, it's sunny, it's better to feel the nirvanic sand. It's here we bring our new seed, to be sprouted downstream.

I now believe in this new mountain downstream, I don't even remember the mountain I seen, were pressing on downstream past a levy, were now in the River of Grief, we're off to the end of make believe.

This river is really turbulent with rapids of devaluation, the splashes make me irrelevant, the dinigrating actions around make me small, I feel lost and confused, nothing makes sense anymore at all.

At the mouth of the River of Grief it opens up into a valley. She jumped onto a rock of vanity and pushed the tree of disloyalty upon the boat.

This throws me out head first, but luckily I have our seed safe and sound, luckily I learned how to drown.

I turn around falling and see her at the top staring down, she smirked and throws enormously heavy anvils of bereavement to make me fall harder, to keep me down longer.

Evil is real, but only if you believe, I crave the flattery of illusionary love, I still had amnesia, I love misery, the feeling reminds me I can feel, I love my slow death so I say I'll find you, I have the seed, I'll wait for you.

As I fall the thorns of numbing premeditation pierce, the pain is searing, as I fall i'm locked on her, my falsehood of love is still enduring, I don't feel the discard, I ignore the distaste.

I land in a field of hopium still protecting the seed, my amnesia is now worse, I can't remember her smirk, I can't remember the weighted anvils of bereavement, I can't remember the tree of disloyalty, I still can't remember the mountain.

My movement is heavy like concrete, my heart sits down at my feet, my mind is nowhere to be found, my spirit is fading on this ground.

I gather everyone from a nearby village to find her, it's impossible, they can't see her, she never existed, my amnesia was now delusional, the hopium mixed realities, nothing was real, there was nothing I could truly feel because everything was wrong, but I believe misery needs me and I yearned.

I say she's at the top, we have to throw her a rope,
they say it won't reach what isn't there,
I say we need a ladder to throw the rope, they say the ladder isn't safe that high.
  
I say everyone can hold the ladder while I climb perilously to the top, they say it will never work, but since they can see me, since they see a part of me is still real, everyone holds the ladder for me.
      
While I acend with my broken dignity, I acend with a fatigued heart, I acend to find what I believe, no matter how hard I try, I will be taking my destined decent.

The top of the ladder is shaky, I spent forever getting there, it's scary, the heights bring great fear over me, more than I've ever felt, but my knighthood makes me overcome anything.

I suppress, the seed is safe down below, I'm here to impress, I can see her now, only much less.

Her snake skin is peeling, the sun scorched blistering skin shows immense pain, witnessing this releases empathy, the caring knighthood in me naturally wanted to save her again.

So I wrap what's left of my discarded soul upon my broken fatigued heart and I use my trauma bonded mind as bait.

I throw her the rope,
she catches the rope,
I tell her to tie off the rope,
she ties a noose with the rope,
her neck is now wrapped with this rope.

If she falls I can't stop the tightening of the rope, if she falls I already know I'll jump for her and release from her neck this rope.

We jump together and I release the rope around her neck, I see the ground coming fast, but I love this snake, I'll die for this snake because I believe, false beauty inside is all I see.

I grab her and turn her away from the rushing ground, I fell once, I can take the fall again.

She is already hurt, immense pain, she will not feel no more pain, because I'm not hurting for I'm with misery again, I believe I can take all the pain for her, the hopium was numbing everything I consumed.

I awoke to a distressed angel, flawed personality, beautiful nightmare, mirroring the devil, but what I saw was a veil over the snake eyes, what I saw was what I believed before.

What I had wasn't real, who I am is no longer there, for I had ambience amnesia, nothing around me fit, nothing around me was grounded, nothing around me was divine.

The eyes that gazed upon me were captivating, spriling, time froze and only she was moving, the feeling was there, a drug within me, the drug was her and I longed for the misery, I yearned for the pain to remember what was real, I needed the intermittent reinforcement, I wanted my all bets in investment back and I risked a short sale.

We faded into the black, into a new boat, she made this boat, she had plugs in  holes of the boat I couldn't see, I believed it was perfect, I didn't know what awaited was a life long anguish.

I still didn't know what was downstream is impossible, I didn't know this new River of Anguish has piranhas of triangulation, I didn't know the rapids were of oppression, I didn't know the rocks causing these rapids she already put in place, I didn't know it was so black around me in this place, I didn't know my seed would become two, I didn't know I would have to choose.

I didn't know true love was in front of me in my hands and not behind the veil, I thought it was her, all the villagers knew, but as I drew closer to the snake the darkness only grew and the seeds too.

The feeling of my lingering mortality reverberates, she built me a coffin and chained it to my ankles, with this immense weight, I carry it with me just in case.

We floated very fast down this River of Anguish, everything seemed fine to all others including me, the darkened skies covered the evil, the cold waters made my body numb, the seeds were held up high to be be safe from the tormenting waters.

As I held them up high, I didn't realize she was still holding the schraded butcher knife in the water, I didn't believe she would hurt me, I didn't conceive the possibility that knife I didn't see was there all along for me.

The waters of Anguish smothered me, the triangulating piranhas slowly nibbled on my feet in the water, the rapids of oppression kept me gazing in the water, the rocks of malice in the water tried to tip me over, but my balance was true and the seeds were safe from harm, but I am not safe, I'm dying inside.

I don't know why, but after every agonizing stab from this knife when I'm not looking, it hurts, but the numbing knife only helped me when it was pulled out, it has holes in the knife so she could pull it out without me knowing.

I always turned around and cleaned the knife covered in my blood, I always gave it back to her, but every wipe upon this blade made it grow, and every wipe made the label on the handle more clear.

I find out in the end this knife is called narcissistic rage, the brand of this knife is called gaslighting and my blood is the supply.

I didn't know any of this until it was too late to save myself, my reality wasn't real, my dreams are gone, my nightmare is all consuming and existent, my seeds are still safe, but I am not.

When I start to notice the knife exists, I forgive her, the conditioning made the skies darker, I wipe the blood off and give it back, the knife is now a sword, it's name is discard.

The waters are uneven, the piranhas of triangulation feel like strangulation, my clothes are still soaking wet with anguish, my hair is slimy and covered in Shame, my feet are cold and numb from the grief.

I can't understand why I'm here,
  I can't understand why I'm actually meant to be here.
  
Every turbulence has thrown me down, she pushes me over head first, as I try to lean up to breathe she has her foot on my neck in the cold numbing river, but this river does not affect her, this river is warmer than her, the warmth from anguish pleased her, the piranhas followed her commands to bite, she smirked as the rocks she placed crushed against my head.

She waited until I went limp every time, but she knew idealization CPR, her deceit was without compassion, her rage was without sympathy, but I had severe ambience abuse amnesia, I still couldn't remember the mountain, I am now trauma bonded from the stabs she's counting.

I only saw her veil, her gaze convinced me I placed these rocks here, her gaze made me ignore the stonewalls around me, her pure hatred was covered in false intentions, her illusion was my isolation.

As everything was becoming clearly dangerous, as everything went pitch black, I look back and see the light from the mountain glowing, I see there is something wrong where I'm at, I see the seeds are not growing, I start to see the pain all around me.

Non the wiser, I keep coming back from drowning, I keep falling for misery, I keep wiping my blood off the blade, I keep isolated, but now I feel there is something painfully wrong, the reason abates me but I feel it, it hurts, it's camouflaged by deceit, it's all in my head, my coffin is soon to be my bed.

I look to the shores, there are other villagers worried, they are waving frantically, they're pointing at a waterfall ahead, this waterfall is called Doom, this fall would be death, the sound is raging, the mouth all consuming.

I see the stream to the side that the villagers are pointing to, I see the calm waters awaiting our safety, but the boat will not fit.

Only me and the seeds are real, everything else around me is illusional, the trauma delusional, the possible harm to the seeds was not refutable, my love for misery was unsuitable.

I could see my life was in danger, I could see the stream nearby screaming safety, I knew the seeds needed me, now I can't stop shaking.

Without her knowing what I was doing, I turned my back towards her facing the water, I knew she was going to stab me over and over again until I turned around, I now see the hypnotic eyes behind the veil. Not turning around only enraged her, the blood on the knife was condesating.

  The safety of the stream for my seeds was a new found glory in my exodus.
  
I paddled with my small hands this large weighted boat towards the stream, her knife was venomous, the water was echoless, the air imparted dreadfulness, all of this was dimensionless, all of this was not real, unless I let it be, now I can see, now I can finally flee.

As I came closer to the stream the waterfall grew stronger, the pain larger, the sound louder, I knew we were closer to the end, I knew I needed to jump off with my seeds, but I know the torment will end.

I melted my enduring pain inside with molten lava heartache to mold anew, I compartmentalize because I have to choose.

I had a vision that if I jump, the seeds will be safe, the climb to the mountain can still happen, I knew I was right about how I felt all along, I realized the veil couldn't cover the true self, I now believed In me.

I now know the water air and land were not what she made me believe, I knew I didn't choose this path, I knew I could survive, I know the seeds are going to be safe now. I know because I manifested instead of throwing in the towel.

Once close enough I finally looked at her and smiled I love you, jumping into the river I could feel the bitter cold agonizing tormenting river smash me with bereavement and disillusion by dissociation, I felt the coma of trauma surround, for I am now trauma bound.

I hold my seeds up high, I kept them safe because they don't feel the water, they're starting to sprout already, no more decay.

As I climb out of the frigid waters and still dripping wet, the drops are red, my feeling is coming back, my back is full of knives, I'm scared but I survived.
Knowing the worst is over I look back to her, she is consuming the river because she was the source, everything dark folds in on itself because the light cannot touch here, for this black hole is collapsing in on itself, I cover the seeds to shield them of this exorcist, they're safe here because my love is relentless.

The tormenting pain makes it hard to stand tall, still going through bereavement of a false reality where I lost it all, the answers we're all lost in the waterfall
"" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" ”"" "" "" "”" "" ""

Enveloped in caressing jubilation I am free of bond and chained to faith of the constellations.
My tribulations though enduring, help guide me along this walk of life,
little did I know stumbling upon this senora tonight would forever change my life.

The darkened night brings the cold as she shivers,
seeing sparkle in her eyes I lean in to warm her soul,
ice to the touch I melt my way through until I find her permafrost,
it's here confusion starts as I slowly become eternally lost.

She stumbles and falls along the walls,
I pick her up, I bring her a pup, the erroneous responses do not bring alarm,
The flags raised were hidden within her charm.

Sensing a loss I couldn't shake,
we're lying together planning my own wake,
I should follow her make no mistake,
my free will was blindly bonded for her to take,
following her to the bridge she asks me to partake.

Looking down I cannot see the water and everything was dreary,
she wants me to leap with her, she wants the false promises buried,
but I was naturally Leary,
The fall alone was very dreary,
all her ideas were scary and if I die I know I won't be buried.

This love which was veiled in secrecy held no promise to ascension of my faith that I left behind,
I'm blinded, eyes closed I'm holding hands with a ghost,
the real her took a crippling step back, it wasn't her, I failed to realize what I chose.

I imagined a leap bonded to caper a love,
Only seen by those who imagined fruitful intentions with doves,
this ghost I free fall with was already dead,
my hands are chained in sin as this death was mine to take to my next bed,
lies deceit and double dealing crashed together to make this mess mine to hold,
I floated hopelessly alive chained to her projected tormented sorrow,
my cards of sanity are about to fold,
I'm before man's maker to face ****** tomorrow.

Triangulating and convincing harums overcrowd my agency,
unable to cope I plead non competency,
and without further a due I'm locked away without latency,
shackles containing my every gesticulation,
my breath forever an abrupt fluctuation,
my mind is now the only hasty part of this equation,
my only escape is lost in the trials of tribulation.

My heart is now shackled to an enduring prison within self sacrifice,
as she sentries my enclosing cell I plead ms. Stockhold to rid this disease within me,
I plead for affection from this endangering syndrome to cease,
throwing to me ravenous kibbles and bits which hold no substance,
I'll take anything to dissimulate my false character,
I'll hold onto hope of acceptance from this predator.

Unable to move as the walls close in where I cannot stretch,
my disparaging sentry holds the keys dangling for me to fetch,
I can't reach through the tightening bars so I hold my breath,
she smiles knowing it's my last attempt,
this prisoner of the heart now falls limp and grows contempt,
knowing now there is nothing more to do,
he accepts this harrowing reality and releases his final breath.

Alone and unchosen to dissimulate their forgotten spirit,

A crossroads to a dead end of blasphemy these kindred souls unknowingly implicit,

Wanting guidance for all they know is trust in the paternal,

An endless agonizing loop led by the maternal,

Father hectic with blackened eyes frisking for the truth,

Mother alluding in prevarication conceding behind the youth,

Demons strangulation surround the blooms,

Unknown to him his offspring are facing certain doom,

To choose and lose is so sad for dad,
To win with a grin is the song of mom,

The inglorious attitude regresses the children,

In the ashes of the wake he witnesses the fallen kindred,

Blind in the mind they no longer exist when kissed,

It's too late for the mate, the time is now to escape or face the tape,

Clutching the toddlers she holds ransom their mind,

His hands behind tied, knowing she'll do anything to claim the selfish prize,

They need him more than ever, but they can't articulate,

He holds the key to free them of false imprisonment,

With no rights they lean on him as their abolitionist,

Dad knows he can save them, they're his hereditament,

Because no baby should be in a state of survival of the littlest.

She loves me and I love her, I accept she wants the space from me,
for us, for the family.

I accept the feelings of being intense,
of feeling sad, of feeling depressed.
But I think that's ok too be sad,
to be missing your love and your connection.

So I control myself to not let my wavy feelings get in the way of this false acceptance,
it's for a better treason than the purpose of understanding this chalice.

I accept my fears within this cloud,
I embrace them but I don't believe myself,
I am stronger than this,
because I love her and she loves me,
this is for the family,
and this space will expand soon with a foreclosure of love.

I accept my timing on the space as it bends,
it last longer than I could stand,
but I love her and she loves me,
this is about us, not me, this is about what she believes,
I would never be deceived,
I face my insecurities and I take her hollow pain with me,
I will not let this new dawning overtake me,
because I love her and she loves me.

I accept the fact I could never be within her heart,
I broke this illusion more than once,
I accept I'm losing my family,
because nothing has changed,
because I love her and she loves me.

I think because I feel, but this isn't real unless confirmed,
she tosses me admiration so I have a positive outlook and I'm no longer afraid,
I'm unaware now, but I'm present now,
I'm actually happy now, I'm still confused somehow.

This will unfold to a dreamy nightmare because I have false confidence now,
because I love her and she loves me.

I appreciate life, I no longer dwell on death,
I embrace the positive, I acknowledge the negative.

My heart lifts, my thoughts sink,
my actions tighten while my muscles loosen.
I'm not forever around so I accept my slow death,
I embrace this dark life in love, unbeknown fear.

I run away from hiding but my shadow stalks,
I no longer worry because I'm now hopelessly complacent,
my true love is somehow vacant.

I am weakly strong now, I love me in fear,
I emphasize others with compassion,
worry without inspiration for contention keeps me second guessing,
my will drives my obituary forward for I don't see,
That I love her and she loves me not.

You are the miracle of the only shining light in my life,
it was the start of my universe.

Your love gave me the creation of life everywhere around me,
because now I see what hurts.

I acknowledge the pain,
through you that's wh systemat I gained,
the black hole no longer lurks,
I am now sane.

The cloudiness of my fears and grief swirled for years,
you pulled it together and we transversed.

Our pulling gravity of love formed the perfect star,
our solar system became biodiverse.

As the planets grew and the rings of ambition grew,
it became a beauty that looked rehearsed.

All in perfect harmony, all done wordlessly,
I'll let you fill in this final verse.

Losing and distressed a peeling disheartened angel,
Light shines not through but around every angle,
This toxic shamed reality regressed to a fable.

The darkness petrified consumed upon the chapel,
Blood lost becomes substantial and drank for a sample,
Untethered agony shines from the candles for evil to cancel,
To heal with deceit those unintentionally known to be fragile.

Burdening to align keeping lost souls intertwined,
holding onto an unknown future lost in time,
forsaking the light till the end of time.

With closed eyes Peering over the edge  slipping to my demise,

Chained to my coffin upside down,
from up top by godsend to my surprise,

Faithful intuition inwards to make it upwards I've been slow to realize,

Light through the darkened skies, shattered the veil upon my disguise,

I'm impressed and amortized,
to a spirit that's truly galvanized,

I feel gravity pull as my soul is certified,
My fears normalized that were once oversized,

Mind from body feeling baptized,
to slip the grip of what agonized,
Spirit growing wings like butterflies,

Unchained, I'm falling where I'm once paralyzed,
Guided by Magi because of tranquility revitalized,
Catching guided winds aloft by inner spirit  revolutionized,
Following the light towards home, I'm no longer ostracized,

Leaving the shell falling to hell I sympathize,
My old life behind soaring to my true prize,

No longer contained within lies cutting all ties,
Following the words of the wise I'm opening my eyes,
No longer pint size going counter clockwise,
Forever oversized, soaring upwards deputized,

I've surpassed the cliffs, ready to ionize,
The light pulls and the darkness cries,
The white lies expelling darkness subsides,
The clouds part seeing a path that's mesmorized,
Free of sin unchained to the shell humanized,
Above the clouds I am now vaporized.

Up all night I'm battling a strenuous catastrophe,
Looking anywhere for light,
obscuring by darkness consuming all of me,
How could this be real?
Why is this happening?

Clutching for saintly remedies, but demolished by unrighteously impious slayers,
Driven down like a nail relentlessly my spirit withers in layers,
Reaching out to seek the truth within as the walls build up by deceptive bricklayers,
I'm trapped in overcrowded waters filled with alligators.

Never to give in I fight tooth and use my nails,
Their cartilaginous skin rejects all attempts to coup so frail,
The consumed evil inside darkens any light to push my sail,
Becoming blind to take control against such evil, I can only follow the braille.

Hardened from the torment to compartmentalize what I feel,
I pull on the line with my trauma as bait to catch what's real,
Using my blood I make this oath to the end and to never to break the seal,
Ignoring the devil I'll never cave in, I'll never make a deal,
Swimming forward in this crowded filth I hold my breath like a seal,
My righteousness prevents their attempt to eat as I glow in teal,
The scars from the nibbles before start to peel,
I'm almost there under the bricklayers hidden underwater concealed.

Soon to pass sin as it begins again,
Too late for my fate I see heavens gate,
I don't regret a step into this spider web,
My heart pierced by gods dart I depart,
My survival in denial that life is entitled,
My struggle buckled with white knuckles,
The breath of death laced in ****,
I did my best, I'll rest, I passed the test.

Being open to a world of opportunities, my mind is welcoming vagrant impunity,
as welcoming hands lend a sense of community,
lifelessly I'm investing in annuities,
false security blankets my insecurities.

As the walls come down only ghosts claim gamesmanship,
surrounded by false egos I embrace a new courtship,
my ring finger tied stolen like a pink slip,
tricked into falsehood of illusion of this relationship,
the syndicates surrounding with support to engage with censorship,
afraid to show what I experience on this warship.

My gut trenched, heart is bleached, my minds not quenched, the spirit ceased,
I love what's wrong, deny what's right, this broken song, I'm losing my sight.

The troupe diverse in idealization to consume self worth,
I'm exposed without realization to Betrayal by blood worth.

Alluding of their desire to consume my identity,
I'm giving them everything I never exposed before to these new frenemies,
digging a hole deeper surrounded by blasphemy,
they are planning everything graphically.

My isolation turns to retention of capsulation without self preservation,
now living a true nightmare they say that they care,
I'm screaming silently as they chuckle gallently,
my trust is misplaced by a terrorism inspired chase,
I'm out of breath looking like death,
wondering if this happens often, my will starts to soften,
I consider building my coffin, because I'm betrayed by all of them.

In denial I've been here for a while,
similar feelings since I was a child,
this has me ungrateful and feeling unstable,
I trusted these ghosts who are distasteful,
consumed by a Denial of Betrayal.

A happy family fixed upon an inviting bedazzled house,
a happy family that is untainted,
kids spirit strongly painted,
dad is with his spouse and mother wears a blouse.

The front door was square and the invitation within was over tempting,
free of fear and bound by faith,
we walk passively up those steps,
this is the beginning, this is unbeknownst to be an evil risk to take.

Inside the copper veil of the outside world this house has signs,
trauma stains in the pores fill the gaps of intrusion,
no room for positive incision,
as the evil has rashly soaked everything in blind illusion.

Stagnant air compress the depression,
we walked though starting our painful life lesson.
The kids play amongst this hidden ungodly confession,
the husband tries to shield his prophesized wife from the coming torment,
because he's second guessing.

Everything must go but the windows are closed,
no light can shine through the devil pained glass,
clearing the air was impossible as everything that came in held negative pressure,
I prayed this would pass.

A newly established home yet unfinished,
progress made, but no time to continue the cleansing,
back for work to live in this chaos day by day,
now I'm breathing in this cycle unchanged,
back to work and the exorcist delayed,
I vow to come back and fix this dismay,
daily feeling of the ghosts sinking between each board unlayed.

Upon returning through the front door no longer square as I'm growing grey hair,
the little ones are regressing as my torment progresses,
my breathing more intense as the angels regress,
I know the end comes soon,
because the sings are there, a feeling of certain Doom.

My spouse's blouse is missing,
her disconnect to reconnect no longer a submissive,
something went wrong along this song so passive,
my heart yearns of a disconcern so massive,
our certain end comes denying where we're from,
no matter the trials I stay a while as my heart beat slams the drum.

Through the fallen front door the frame is now obtuse,
my heart shape is acute,
the kids neglectfully eat rotten fruit,
I had a feeling but never knew,
the end of us is something I can't chew,
the immoral air standing still now blew,
through our souls chilled by the sun so blue,
the windows cracked and the evil no longer new,
reaching for my spouse I go right through,
the little ones can no longer see either of us two.

Clutching the little ones I can feel the slime of anxiety,
they haven't been around for a while in this reality,
rushing for the closing door I throw them out,
turning around once more I can see the truth of evil start to shout,
subject to control by sin,
I can see it's originating from the spouse,
latin words of vanity spew from her mouth,
I choke my dreadful tears back out loud,
my innocence crushed by the devil in a shroud,
this devil was there all along under the blouse,
outside I join, to watch the collapse of this bedeviled house.

You were planted upon this big world as an exotic, beautiful long sought out flower, a very special flower with wonderful life changing healing properties.

The problem was you needed the right amount of sun, the right amount of me.

We knew we need each other, the right amount of you, the perfect amount of me.
We know we need each other, I need purpose, you needed me.

I tried reaching you but my demons (moon) swirled around and moved my emotions (clouds) covering your growth.

As the seasons changed (global warming)  you waited every year for your opportunity to grow, to reach me, but every time you came close I would change the season, you came close but I was always so far away.

My emotions grew and the clouds rained upon you, my emotions almost drowned you, but you are resilient, you were deeply rooted.

  Emotions flooded you as I grew more enflamed, I caused pain from my emotional chaos, I grew in fear to reach you.

I finally see my negative growth stunt your positive growth, I see my fears now, now I look inward to regain peace, I look inward to hold your space, now my demons subsided, now my emotions have dissipated, now I can reach you, now we can grow together, but I'll never touch you.

Obtrusively Deranged Tumultuously,

Impugn love twines the mind amidst her spiderweb,



Paralyzed with venom proportionately,

Furloughed of my movement as she's hypnotizing her dread,



Conceding to enraged and dire discrepancy,

The sticky web has controlled backwardness laced in every thread,



I close my eyes realizing her specialty,

The depth of her hatred stalked leftover happiness in my head,



Becoming companionably complacent in fear by chemistry,

ignoring her confessions to deny truths to keep me misled,



Springing deeply all the way to my soul violently,

I can't move, I'm dying inside paralyzed as she pierced from behind below my head,



The conception to her deception done wordlessly,

The trauma shocked any desire to fight this notrotious drainage within deaths bed,



Shearing shame blamed upon being sympathetically,

To look death in the eyes, I'm under and over wrapped inside this cocoon of emotional lead,



Unable to move behind the laced web helplessly,

this charlatan drains hopes and dreams relentlessly to feed her sadism so she's fed,



Another victim among helpless fools

Immeasurably,

To be consumed by the waiting widow for she knows none before these traps have ever fled.

Asleep or dead, alive or awake, it's all the same blame game,
An endless continuum, channeling by a spectrum, my nightmares are black, daydreams are back when sacked, because harrowing injustice has me walking collapsed.

So far gone within this song,
my conscience reverberates every mistake,
I dream without a sound screaming silently behind stonewalls,
Wide awake reliving every mistake,
I'm pushing on because I'm consciously  strong, if I fail children will fall.

Every day giving loving support standing tall,
Trauma bonded with cancelling willpower no one can know I'm about to fall,
Conditioning silent treatments confusing reality to a stand still,
My spirit can't move, can't keep up,
My heart stopped beating which gives me shakes and chills.

Closing my eyes sometimes I spring awake,
sometimes that premonition is a mistake to partake,
a nightmare casts over as if reality can relate.

What is really real and why am I supposed to be here?
Who could enforce blasphemy to cast a shadow so dark that death would fear?

Asleep I don't feel the pain but I experience shivering terrors,
Awake the lunacies existence to blame for being so insane,
withering ashamed knowing it could have changed, I passively own my errors.

The torment of what I know carried into what I think,
Each sleep is but a blink as I am pushed to the edge,
Fiction or non fiction, that's the real question here,
Driven by compassion entwined with anxiety,
The mind tricks by many lost souls set a precedent,
I'm more fragile than I thought, two sizes smaller than a filament.
Making it through nightly terrors is a true testament,
If only everyone knew how bad the pain butchered inside whats left of it,
Daydreaming nightmares reward her culmination to enslave,
this much is eminent to carry my will through and through,
Before I lose control I need my nightmares to bring me back to a relaxed confusion heartbreaking reality.

The devil invaded inside, angels vacant because I lied,
I've been tricked and Halloween is daily, the loss of reality has my skin scaly.

Drifting beyond the void of the mind,
Allocating a forgotten sanscript so I'm not lost in time,
carried to mend the spirit of tragedy out of line,
pushed by the pulsing sun I climb,
whether it's a direction known it lasts for a lifetime,
all alone no one will hear a scream or a whine.

Passing phenomenal planets I admire the rings,
etched in ice so cold this reminds me of the hope I bring,
so beautiful the permafrost reminds me everything is not what it seems,
from afar the wondrous glow gleams,
I keep traveling alone pushed by electron beams.

My long lost past behind reminds me of the fallacy,
seeing into the past what is there is a galaxy,
knowing that time lost is truthfully absentee,
I can't retreat because the laws of gravity,
dreaming of the warming permafrost passively,
I press on to the surrounding darkness gallently,
the truth ahead is dead of my sight to an unowned agency.

Witnessing the future galaxy before me in this dead end race,
the electrons retrograde to a standstill to where I'm placed,
no movement but sight ahead I wish I could chase,
I've lost hope to a fulfillment of an empty space.

Walking through the plentiful golden fields stretching from sunrise to sunset,
a maze through the congested staple searching for memories I wish I'd forget.

Upon the dawn surrounded by ears of corn,
it's getting darker and the crows start to circle for what isn't reborn.
Feeling the tension rise looking for a break,
before me opening up I'm now only visible to those still awake,
the ground invisible my hands start to shake,
as I curl up inside I know I've made a mistake.

Trusting my instinct I press on staying low,
I can see the ground now start to glow,
it's only one direction that I can see to move where nothing will grow,
the clay path moves around very slow,
something inside said no.
Opening up upon a desolate barren field, I notice something start to show.

I'm still crawling low to stay away from the birds up high.
Getting closer the figure is still,
getting closer it's losing straw,
getting closer it's clothed,
getting closer there are no more birds, getting closer is safe and drenched with trepidation,
getting closer I lose focus and attention to this Scarecrow.

Amis this darkness I can stand tall next to this figure,
it shields me from unknown harm, this place was scary,
but my false dissolution created an illusion of safety,
no danger was ever present as I trusted petrifying false securities,
inevitable danger became my new reality,
but I have married this affliction under duress,
I'm now contained by this manufactured stress.

Together in martial only partial covered by larval made in parcel faking sparkle inducing marvel showing marble and controversial,
hoovering in to this beautiful disaster for peace,
I've surrendered my confidence to this apprehension.

The moon doesn't move as the birds caw in the distance,
time stands still next to my mistress,
I'm shielded now as space bends and realities emerge,
the outside world no longer exist inside this slowly profound dimension,
taking forever to dismiss the lag preventing future prominence.

The gravity pulls with no push,
I can no longer feel anything but mush,
I'm safely anointed to stay shushed,
the scars now open to gush,
everything tightens from plush,
burning inside like a sage bush,
this Scarecrow laid out a straight flush.

Reading these cards I realize the trick before me,
the scarecrow altered reality and pulled me into absentee,
I've been fooled the whole time carelessly,
the deception encapsulated my entire being endlessly.

All I know now is this timeless Scarecrow.

Drifting into the unknown, my pity paws scratch below at the anchored clay,
I've been here before in this slandered dismay.

Another scratch to bring forth the water from underneath,
I am now deeply craving what I couldn't see beneath.

My claws are now paws,
eagerness to achieve what I believe,
that below is there that I cannot see.

Thirsty to quench as I dig my trench,
my body is eroding, but I'm still here in this stench.

Digging for what seems like years,
the only water I have now is my tears,
salty from my fears.

I've looked everywhere for this source,
believing this has to be my course,
only the dirt is harder, it's now cracked much worse.

The shadows of my casted illusion cover  myself,
so deep now I don't know why I'm still digging,
putting my conscience on the lowest shelf,
I prepare for the end, because I didn't understand the beginning.

No way back out I see there is only one way left to go,
further down I go the dirt caves around,
I'm still alive but I can't make a sound,
it's down here I'm stuck,
it's here that I slowly drown.