I need to stop hurting every day
Feel like I've lost who I am
How can I insist I'm okay?
Too long spent living a sham

You're not there each second with me
Fall apart when you're not around
How I act like I'm happy
In your absence break down

I cannot smell your scent when you're gone
Touch
Hear your voice
Have to stand up and be strong
That's my only choice

Who used to stay up late talking?
You were drunk and had no one else to listen

Love the invisible fishing line that hooked me directly through my gills even still to this day

You caught me without using a single piece of bait

Heavy hangs the head
Crown created with cement
Fragile face fades

Demons are God's mistakes

Angels that could not quite make the cut

Your words are flowers
Blooming in interactions
Early blossoms grow

The door opens to world beyond
Say one final goodbye
We wish our time lasted longer
Your turn to be lifted into the sky
Always aware you were an angel
Now you have finally got wings to fly

You can't craft honor
Character a clear birthmark
Darkness a defect

I lose last battle
Your attention awarded
To somebody else

Is it hard to take?
Caring for one so little
Who craves you so much

Giving my word that this time I will change
Promise kept for once indeed is something strange
Read lips when I say to you "Help me stay strong"
Painting your flaws red will always feel wrong
The way to reach goals is to grow to rely
On each other til the storm passes us by
It's learning to trust without question or concern
In rain until this painful period is adjurned
Waiting for strength to flood limbs
Clear each cloud away that dims
To dance on fingertips so near
Keep looking but it never reappears

Ripped emotions grip tight
On a roller-coaster riding
Show you my ups and downs
Darker side not hiding

Sometimes drops are slight
When my disposition is sweet
But don't dare to push the wrong button
Or I'll have you flying out of your seat

Although I may appear normal
Never doubt what is underneath skin
Past my grinning surface chaos is clear
Throughout thoughts is perversity prowling within

Put me into a locked padded cell
To completely lose my mind
Uncontrollable mood swings are not what I choose
Sanity snaps leaving reality behind

All my days are bad ones without you
Look to the sky like "what should I do?!"
The way I'm living would surely evoke a frown
In grave probably rolling completely upside-down
Thinking back when problems were few and so small
Universe seemed so frightening but you weren't scared at all
But presently I realize you kept your fears hid
Type of bravery that is heroic to a kid
I would forfeit anything to rewind time to those days
Hate that you are gone at least the memory stays
Found how to love myself by looking through your eyes
Reflection in the mirror today I don't even recognize
A lot would do differently if I had a second chance to change
Take all the hurtful words and for compliments exchange
Steal all the ways I treated you so ******* bad
Erase decisions that in the end made your soul feel sad
Now you are not here to view me turn my life around
Kills me to know I lost the opportunity to make you proud
But I still try because it's what you deserve
To make up for always getting on your last nerve
And if somehow watching me from afar
Hope you discovered how beautiful you truly are
And that you meant the world to me and so much more
In your absence it is difficult to remember what's worth breathing for
You were essential to daily routine
I loathe to myself for not telling you how much to me you mean
It was obvious I loved you because I told you almost every day
I never voiced APPRECIATION until you passed away
Now it is too late to express my gratitude
Last impression of me is my bratty attitude
You just wanted to spend hours with me but I had none to spare
After the amount you'd sacrificed I was too selfish to care
Yet never held against me my inconsideration
Unconditionally showering with adoration
I wish I regretted while you were still alive
So I apologized for all the attention I deprived
Now my neglect and unfairness haunt like a ghost
Ashamed I behaved childishly towards the one I cherish most
I assumed there would be time to rectify my actions later
Guess that is the consequence of being a procrastinator
And oh what heart wrenching lesson I have learned
By your generosity that forever will go unreturned
This remorse anchoring me to mistakes does weigh a ton
Shackles reminder of the ******-up **** I've done
I yearn for you to witness the sincerity when I speak
Whispering "I am sorry" for tears I caused to roll down your cheek
Presently dreams are only location sight is blessed by your face
Even there it's clear I am nothing but a disgrace
You once tamed insecurities like animals so wild
In the corner of my mind they sit piled
I'm working to scrape by without help from your hand
How could toes possibly walk when I am hardly able to stand?
Your guidance is vital to navigate road
Arms lack the strength to carry heavy load
But you taught not to quit even when things get hard
What doesn't **** will make me stronger although it may also leave me scarred
So in your honor will continue dragging along my feet
For success strive when it'd be simpler to admit defeat
Because I desire to be courageous like you were and confident too
It was as if a light switched on the instant you stepped in the room
You were one of a kind
Impossible to replace
No distraction capable of filling the empty space
But I will eventually acclimate to life void of your touch
Though at this moment all I can focus on is how I miss you too much

I cannot escape memories
Absence haunts all I do
When eyes close your face is what mind sees
Every place I go there are traces of you

Why did you choose to abandon me?
You were 'the one'
I guess I was not
Extinguished flame of everything we could be
All I am is a spark you forgot

The saddest thing is state of this world
In eerie indoctrinated paralyzation
Beautiful globe that once triumphantly twirled
Now in serious need of proper navigation