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andisashayi Apr 2023
You're everywhere
Like toffee in my teeth,
Like wine staining white
like moss overgrown.
You're everywhere, like the stench of old *** in a wooden outhouse
Like ants on a countertop
like toothpaste when I brush my teeth
like the contents of a stomach spattered across a dashboard
like the stern voice in my head
like crumbs in bed
damp hair on a pillow
like pieces of something broken on the floor
andisashayi Dec 2021
I suggested that we consider a world without the other, and put away these thoughts of Goodbye for good if that world looked harrowing enough.
You finished too soon and went inside for a nap, away from the sun.
On your list you'd written down a few kind things, and scratched out a thought mid-sentence.
Mine was three pages long.
"If you were to go...", it began
andisashayi Sep 2021
You took your suitcase with you when I told you goodbye, and I think now of how much we argued over how it had never been unpacked.
You wore the same skin from that autumn night on my birthday, till the last breaths of winter had passed from my bedroom.
What do your garments look like?
Even as you are, you're forever changing in my eyes and that is my gift to you: new clothes, fresh from a calm wind on that drooping line and ironed by the sun.
andisashayi Aug 2021
You weren't answering any
of my calls, so I made one more and let a stranger drive me around on
quiet, damp roads in the pitter-patter of the rain you said wouldn't come.

I took him to the very edge of love and then left him that night without even a touch, because he'd have dived in (eyes shut) if he had felt how hot my skin was.
andisashayi Jul 2021
I read today that most boomerangs aren't meant to come back.
They're thrown and should fly precisely to where the thrower intended, preferably away.
Boomerangs were born bent and angled, deformed with one wing shorter than the other, or longer than the other and more brazen.
While in motion, these wings stay at war with each other as though they were not two parts of the same whole;
A constant quarrel, brought on not by being discarded to the haphazard whim of the calm or anxious air, but by the indecision of which way to go when cast off from a home.
In the end, it's the indecision that returns them, as it's difficult to keep going when you're not sure of which way you're going.
When this is the case, back is where you're propelled, whether you're wanted there or not.
And you're either welcomed by a pair of grateful hands, or (like today) left feeling around in the ground trying to get your bearings.
To starting over
andisashayi Sep 2020
Yesterday you shot paragons of (...) out of the sky
like birds
for fear that they would salvage a home from our coarse touches and cool words
This sharp light tastes nothing of you
You were once the sentimental sort,
erecting chairs outside in the name of fresh air
Out in the open it would be too easy to tell us apart
We are butter and clay in the sun
Oh yes, this light tastes nothing like you
Stay true, and swallow the birds whole
andisashayi Aug 2020
morbidly, you whisper
when asked for silence
restless children fill their mouths with
their forearms to **** the sound
and almost choke on creased cotton sleeves

What is there to do?
I am high on the scent of this house.
#lockdownthoughts #blackbearreview #oldie
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