Quotes
Dr. Evil : Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers.

Scott Evil : What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just **** him?

Dr. Evil : I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.

Scott Evil : I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.

Dr. Evil : An evil vet?

Scott Evil : No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.

Dr. Evil : An evil petting zoo?

Scott Evil : You always do that!

Scott Evil : I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to **** me.

Therapist : He doesn't really want to **** you. Sometimes we just say that.

Dr. Evil : No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to **** him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man.

Scott Evil : I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!

Dr. Evil : Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.

Dr. Evil : All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.

[guard starts dipping mechanism]

Dr. Evil : Close the tank!

Scott Evil : Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!

Dr. Evil : No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?

Scott Evil : I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!

Dr. Evil : Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.

Scott Evil : It's no hassle...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : But...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : I'm...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : All I'm say...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : There gonna get a...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : I'm...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : I'm just...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : Would...

Dr. Evil : Sh!... Knock-knock.

Scott Evil : Who's there?

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : But...

Dr. Evil : Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.

Austin Powers : [holding Scott hostage]  It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil : Not really. **** the little *******, see if I care.

Scott Evil : But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.

Dr. Evil : I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little ****! They were insolent!

Frau Farbissina : Remember when we froze your *****? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever?

Dr. Evil : Oh sure.

Frau Farbissina : Well, after a couple of years we got a little... impatient. Dr Evil, I would like you to meet your son.

Dr. Evil : My son?

Frau Farbissina : Ja. SCOTT!

[Scott enters]

Dr. Evil : Hello Scott.

Scott Evil : Hi.

Dr. Evil : I'm your father. Dr Evil.

Scott Evil : I haven't seen you my whole life and now you just show up and expect a relationship? I hate you. What?

Dr. Evil : Can I have a hug?

Scott Evil : No.

Dr. Evil : Give me a hug.

Scott Evil : No way.

Dr. Evil : Come on. Let's go. Pronto.

Scott Evil : What are you doing?

Dr. Evil : I'm with it. I'm hip. Well, don't look at me like I'm friggin' Frankenstein! Come here and give your father a hug.

Scott Evil : Get away from me, you lazy-eyed ******!

[Dr. Evil runs after him with his arms out]

Dr. Evil : Hug, hug, hug.

Scott Evil : Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.

Dr. Evil : Son, wouldn't you like to see what daddy does for a living?

Scott Evil : *******.

Dr. Evil : What?

Scott Evil : Show me.

Therapist : We have some new-comers here today. Please say hello to Scott and his father Mr... Ev-ille?

Dr. Evil : Evil, Actually, Dr. Evil.

The Group : Hello, Scott. Hello, Dr. Evil.

Scott Evil : Hi, everybody.

Quotes
Dr. Evil : Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers.

Scott Evil : What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just **** him?

Dr. Evil : I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.

Scott Evil : I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.

Dr. Evil : An evil vet?

Scott Evil : No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.

Dr. Evil : An evil petting zoo?

Scott Evil : You always do that!

Scott Evil : I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to **** me.

Therapist : He doesn't really want to **** you. Sometimes we just say that.

Dr. Evil : No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to **** him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man.

Scott Evil : I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!

Dr. Evil : Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.

Dr. Evil : All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.

[guard starts dipping mechanism]

Dr. Evil : Close the tank!

Scott Evil : Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!

Dr. Evil : No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?

Scott Evil : I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!

Dr. Evil : Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.

Scott Evil : It's no hassle...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : But...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : I'm...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : All I'm say...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : There gonna get a...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : I'm...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : I'm just...

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : Would...

Dr. Evil : Sh!... Knock-knock.

Scott Evil : Who's there?

Dr. Evil : Sh!

Scott Evil : But...

Dr. Evil : Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.

Austin Powers : [holding Scott hostage]  It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil : Not really. **** the little *******, see if I care.

Scott Evil : But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.

Dr. Evil : I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little ****! They were insolent!

Frau Farbissina : Remember when we froze your *****? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever?

Dr. Evil : Oh sure.

Frau Farbissina : Well, after a couple of years we got a little... impatient. Dr Evil, I would like you to meet your son.

Dr. Evil : My son?

Frau Farbissina : Ja. SCOTT!

[Scott enters]

Dr. Evil : Hello Scott.

Scott Evil : Hi.

Dr. Evil : I'm your father. Dr Evil.

Scott Evil : I haven't seen you my whole life and now you just show up and expect a relationship? I hate you. What?

Dr. Evil : Can I have a hug?

Scott Evil : No.

Dr. Evil : Give me a hug.

Scott Evil : No way.

Dr. Evil : Come on. Let's go. Pronto.

Scott Evil : What are you doing?

Dr. Evil : I'm with it. I'm hip. Well, don't look at me like I'm friggin' Frankenstein! Come here and give your father a hug.

Scott Evil : Get away from me, you lazy-eyed ******!

[Dr. Evil runs after him with his arms out]

Dr. Evil : Hug, hug, hug.

Scott Evil : Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.

Dr. Evil : Son, wouldn't you like to see what daddy does for a living?

Scott Evil : *******.

Dr. Evil : What?

Scott Evil : Show me.

Therapist : We have some new-comers here today. Please say hello to Scott and his father Mr... Ev-ille?

Dr. Evil : Evil, Actually, Dr. Evil.

The Group : Hello, Scott. Hello, Dr. Evil.

Scott Evil : Hi, everybody.

Poem 6 edited
I know and understand the cynicism of most on this topic, but I can assure you that I have not invented any of this, so treat my poem with the seriousness it deserves.

It is a tale of forgotten events.

Things I'd pushed away from my mind as a child.

Things I did not believe we're real.

The dark.

The uncanny.

The Unknown.

I'll begin...

The Evil Tree.

To get to the gravestone we had to pass an old tree
One with a terrible history
A tale that ended, evilly

We walked through the dark woods toward the evil tree.
The mist hung the way it does normally,
but in an evil way.

The trees around the evil tree leaned away fearfully
Or some of them leaned towards the tree,
but less toward than they'd normally be
If it weren't an evil tree

The evilness of the evil tree
was so great that it hid it cleverly
By looking just like every other tree
But evil

Its roots were evil roots
Taking evil nutrients
That looked like other nutrients,
But evil

The evil nutrients fed the evil trunk
Like an evil woody chunk
Filled with standard sappy gunk
But evil

The evil gunk was in the branches too
The branches were evil through and through
They were deepest, darkest evil brown
With evil moss up and down
Swaying in an evil way
Like other branches day to day,
But evil

The branches followed on to the evil twigs
Twigs thinly evil; branches evilly big
Growing out ShArP AnD POINTY!
Like skinny arms, evilly jointy!!
But at the ends of these twigs...

Unlike ordinary twigs...

Were leaves,

BUT EVIL LEAVES!!!!!
Evil leaves!
EvIL lEaVEs!!!
Everywhere were evil leaves!
Some of them high in the trees!
Some of them were on the floor
And on the graves I saw yet more!
Evil green
And brown and red!
Many of them just lay down DEAD!

And if that were not enough...

I walked toward this evil tree
Unaware how evil a tree could be
As I bravely gained upon this pillar
I saw a hungry caterpillar
It was crawling in the normal way
Like caterpillars do every day

Slowly, it crawled
Creeping
Twisted and contorting its body
Edging ever closer
Toward me

I innocently reached down to pick him up

And that's when I noticed

The bite marks

In the leaf

An evil leaf!!

Time seemed to slow right down
I noticed too late, the evil brown!
I saw its evil greeny hue
And it's evil hairy back
Looking like other caterpillar do,
that don't give you a heart attack
Tick and tock
The time passed by
I saw the evil monsters eye
Raised upon an evil stalk
Wondering if he could scream or talk
What would he say?!

He'd say...

I'm an evil caterpillar
I will maim and devour these leaves
Not just the evil, the innocent too
Their life will be a tasty filler
And as their branchy mother greaves
She can watch me as I chew, chew, chew
Just like other caterpillars do
But evil!

And then I'll grow an evil cuccoon
One with plenty of evil room
And hang high in the evil branches
Where nobody would take their chances

Outside, it's still and eerie calm
Inside I start to dis embalm
Myself
I flay my skin
And then begin
To change
Evilly!!

And after many evil days
You think you've lost my evil ways
Until I break
I'm born anew
My evil body grew and grew
The most hideously evil things
A pair of pretty butterfly wings!
BUT EVIL!!!!!

And as I had this evil thought
I realised that I was caught!!
The caterpillar crawled on to my hand
But ...
strange enough I felt just grand!
There was not heat nor evil sting
Just this tiny little thing
I realised he wasn't evil
Less evil than a common weevil
I lifted high, held him aloft
When suddenly he fell back off!

I looked down on him, like a God
Lifted my foot and then I trod!

I now know what happened you see
He passed his evil on to meeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
Mwahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!!!!!