The essence of roses lingered
as the petals of her lips
and the thorns of her teeth,
scathing,
scratching my surface,
retracted like claws to a sheathe
as the cat behind her eyes
left no mark on my skin,
but tore the flesh apart
so no blood broke through
but its drowning flood
dyed the rose, and
the rose died

Your song on repeat
like a soundtrack to pain
and with every listen
I feel you again
Just as soon as I forgot
but I can't let you go
now that you've tugged my sleeve
and pleaded me, no

But your face in my mind
is not close to me anymore
I looked through the window
just as you closed the door
and saw you glance back
but never turn around
Some things that are lost
are dead and can't be found

The song of your heart
I understood back then
too well to believe now
I'll never see you again
You were a sister to me,
so your brother is my brother, too
Now you are his brother
and I don't know what to do

except to sing
except to miss you

In my chest there is a lump
like coal that's still cold
though I know it can burn
and I peel back the skin over my heart
and I crack through the ribs it's caged in
so I can watch it beating slowly
as I stare in the mirror and ask
how has my life come to this?
When my hand is a blade
and my head is a stone
and my heart is a coal
and I'm frozen,
I strike my hand to my head
and I wait for the spark
to set fire to my heart
for to burn me.
I wish to be smoke,
to drift away and to dissipate,
until no one remembers me anymore

Scrawled between light blue lines,
between light pink lies,
but he didn't know at the time
and neither did I

So he promised and he swooned,
writing as if forever was assumed
Now only paper remains from the wound,
a souvenir from before love was doomed

Handwriting harder now to decipher
describes my past, how he loved her,
and a future we swore would be easier,
a future always together

Long enough ago not to cry
but the inside jokes I still recognize
And now I wonder if I had tried
Would finding these have made me smile?

Faded pages and smudged pencil,
pages hard for him to fill
but I didn't have the will
to try to love him still

Shatter music as relief
when the rest will burn away
until only bits remain
and I beg for it to be day

Nighttime as my prison
when my hauntings ride the dark
and even in the morning
on my eyelids leave their mark

When sleep unfolds my mind
my dreams leave scars upon my feet
where my demons creep inside
and my fears and sorrows meet

I'm encrypted in this pain
and I feel as though I'll never escape
so I submit to endless agony
of death and torture, sin and ****.

He ruptured my heart
with the touch of his hand
I spilled from the crevices
between broken ribs and
as I bled full of passion,
he sealed back my bones

Decay now the soil
from which I may grow
from dirt can come beauty
with a nurturing soul
His hands helped remind me
I need not be alone

I hate myself too much to care that
I hurt myself too much to feel