I often have nightmares,
that the moment I leave your wandering gaze
I'll cease to exist.

Teach me to exist when you're not around...
please.

"it was a long time ago" he says
as he hides his tears with a grin
she asks, "Are you okay?"
he grins, he lets out a failed laugh, he lies
she sees straight through his act
she asks, "Are you okay?"
tears swelling in the corners of his eyes, he lies
she waits for them to be wiped away sneakily
she asks, "Are you okay?"
he looks her in the eye, using all his strength he lies
she says she believes him, she breaks eye contact
she asks, "Are you sure? It's okay if you aren't"
he shakes his head, he falls towards her embrace,
"I'm sorry for being so difficult" he says
vulnerably

she says, "When are you going to move on"
and turns her back to him and leaves
as he cries alone in the dark

in contempt lay my complacent corpse
gathered round my complaisant heart
hidden smiles as you bleed me bare
a cynical altruist
as I fall on this pre-placed sword
lay me down slow for your own benefit
gluttonous for this unsatisfactory high
addicted to these moments all the same
victim to codependency
allow these disillusions of granduer
to satisfy my needs

I save you to save me

all inclusive isolation
a populated loneliness looms
surrounded but never included
the sharing of unpleasant pleasantries
a ghost in the shell
portraying unfamiliar emotions, atop unfamiliar smiles
destined to be destined without
without care, always there
without a home, a sheltered existence

Just another self-indulged addict
Addicted to the attention writing brings
So I indulge this hobby that separates me from them
In hopes you'll give me my next fix
And sustain me the days my creativity runs dry
A writers block
An addicts road to recovery

I write to be different
I write for the attention
I write for my addiction.

our love was never pure
for love is just hate, not yet conceived
the gatekeeper to all my demons
she flourished in my pain
our love was never real
it withered away, we withered apart
no longer the puppeteer to my puppet
the strings on my heart lay cut
my heart was yours
until you sold my love to another
your rose tinted lips, hid all your lies
drugged me to the truth, hid all your reg flags
I hate her more than I ever did love

so starts my final journey, a slow decline
first the memories, of that night, of you
memories i have had my entire lifetime, fading
show images of a life i know not of
disconnected from my own thoughts
as if a stranger thought them on my behalf
my voice longer pierces the silence of my mind
instead now i hear a stranger
these sleepless nights, accompany these sun lit blackouts
i fear i am changing, into what i do not know
and hope to never find out
soon i fear my face will haunt me in the mirror,
my eyes will stare back blankly
staring into a face he knows not who