Going to
therapy
taking pills talking
talking to people
sleeping
enough
rough thoughts
in my head

Breast heavy
flow interrupted
step by
step
got it?

Nothing comes naturally
anymore nothing
flows through you and makes you
forget time
everyone tells you It's coming back
It' coming
back but you just wonder
when and how

I am relieved to be
in your life again I am
a bit
lost for words
I freak
already

I hate
sad poetry
I hate when flood gates
do not open
stuck inside
bite
grind
I hate
sad poetry

It feels like
the middle of the day and yet
you are
tired
It feels like a river that does not flow

Nothing is an option anymore everything
dull as if
not yet in sunlight not in darkness everything
is not as it was and it was never as it is
now
you are
bored
and you can feel it
like thick air melting without
room
to go
you can smell it like you smelled roses before
you can
touch
it like you would touch silk or leather only that
this touch
is reminiscent of nothing that you need to dig deeper for
deeper
and this
boredom
blocks every attempt to do so
to dig
deeper
for feelings

I cannot see it
yet
and dare not
letting go