i thought i'd met kindness in a man's eyes before,
and then i met you.

without being asked,
you pick up my shoes,
you're ready to help,
and to love on others.

i thought i'd met humility before,
and then i met you.

you don't even know how kind, funny,
and special you are.

i barely know you,
and i'm already amazed by
you.

here i am
surrounded by so much love and laughter.

for so long i felt so alone
and not worthy of love.

what might have happened if i had this sooner?

i know i'm only 18,
yet my heart longs for a family.
i'd love to be in a relationship,
but most of all,
I want kids running around the house.
driving me crazy with the same songs,
giving me hugs while they cry over a scraped knee.
how could anyone take a precious life like that away?
i try to have compassion and show understanding for those women, but how could you do that?
that's all i want in the world,
a little hand holding mine,
how could you not want that too?

Your diligence scared me off at first
So focused and intense
No time for anyone else.

But then I met the softer you
The you who listens
Who observers
Who lights up the room

That's the you I liked

Despite what others said about you
I gave you a shot

Maybe I expected too much
But is it too much to ask for someone to feel the same?

They say you're closed off
You can't make friends
You hide behind your work

Though it's all true
I see more to you

I see a driven man
Prepared for the future
Hurt by the past
Weary of new faces
Scared of them leaving you behind,
Alone and broken.
Like before.

I stuck around and tried to get to know you
I endured the awkward silences
The moods you'd get in
And at a certain point
I gave up.

Looking into those blue eyes still makes me smile
I laugh at everything you say, even if it's truly not funny
My heart still flutters when your hand draws near to mine

But I know this isn't right.
Maybe someday, but not today.

You need to grow.
You need to move out.
Find your calling
Try something new

I need to learn to love properly
And grow in myself
And I'm leaving soon.

So here we are.
I see you twice a week, if not more, and try to be your friend.
Sometimes it's easy
But when you talk to a new girl,
My eyes can't help but wander over to you two.

I know it'll just take time
But that's something I'm not good at
Waiting
Wanting
Watching
But here I am.

That wasn't how I thought it'd go.
I'm left feeling useless and confused.
Why do we text all the time, if you can't even form a sentence on the phone?

Pure silence filling the room and my heart.
Maybe you were upset and tired,
But you could have at least tried, that's all that I ask,
for you to try to get to know me.

Maybe they were right about you.
You haven't figured out life yet,
and you don't seem to be trying.
You complain about life,
yet you do nothing to change it.
Maybe you were right about you.
You constantly putting yourself down,
Me constantly trying to encourage you,
But maybe all this time, you were right.

Once again, my wanting to see the best in people puts a knife in my back.
I guess this is what I get for being kind.

she tries so hard to please others
when all that matters in the end
is that she pleases her Heavenly Father
and brings glory to His name
all else will fall away

"it's okay"
"i understand"

why am i so frickin nice?
constantly repeating these words
while my heart shatters silently.

these walls are crashing down,
along with my tears.
with all the strength within me
i tried to hold it in,
but truth is,
you can't be there for me anymore.

this is long overdue,
and this feeling inside has started to rot.
i hate to break your heart,
but mine is already broken.
still want to hold you close,
but i can't keep holding you,
while you hold someone else.

you talk about trust,
and then betray it.

you talk about love,
and then destroy it.

you talk about friendship,
and never give it a chance.

and
every time
im the one crying
on my bedroom floor.
no one to hold,
no one to see me.

i think im falling in love with you,
for ive never felt this way before.

i miss you all the time
and i know your mind so well.

i know when you're being a goofball
and when you're being honest.

i know how deeply you care for your family
and friends, though you may never admit it.

i know you're scared of getting hurt,
so love frightens you.

but i know when you will fall in love,
though it may not be with me,
you'll be just perfect.

oh im drowning
far below
you don't see it
but i know
its there

shallow water
never seemed so
deep
carry me under
keep me captive

no one knows
im gone
and thats
the torture of it all

move with the current
or you're
forever lost
can't go that way
don't you know

oh we're all drowning
far below
we don't see it
but we know

we're forever lost
in the current.
it reels you in
and never let's go.

its a jungle up here,
full of "what-ifs" and expectations,
you'll always get lost in there,
i should know.
all roads lead to nowhere
and all happy thoughts
are turned to sad ones.
always thinking with
my heart,
which leads to pain.
it's a mad world,
my brain.

losing my heart for careless boys,
losing my soul for earthly desires.

the pain, the pain,
it rushes in like a flood.
never ceasing,
ever flowing.

this life is a test,
get past it and
eternal life awaits.

the struggle is temporary,
yet oh so constant.

those dreaded words slip off my lips again,
oh why does this keep happening?
i open up my heart just to feel more pain,
by now this wound is far too deep.

"i love you",
i say a million times,
"i'll see you soon",
i hope it's not a lie,
"goodbye",
i say with deep agony.

our final words,
lets make them count.
our final breaths,
let's not waste them.

goodbye, my friend.

this electricity clenching my bones,
these fireworks filling my head,
these jumping bunnies in my feet,
this excitement,
this enthusiasm,
it's filling every inch of my body and soul.

all things must end,
but i didn't expect it so soon.

this love so strong,
but hearts grow distant.

you think all is fine,
but it just isn't right anymore.

all things must end,
even you and I.

you're too stuck on tradition to see it's killing you,
like a moth attracted to the light,
you'll never stop.

we try to help you,
but you keep going back to what you know.

you're not worth the fight if you won't change,
it hurts to say,
but this is goodbye
my friend.

what drives me crazy
is how people interact.

we all listen to reply,
not to understand.

we listen to share our
experiences instead of
just being there for that person.

next time you interact
with someone,
try to really listen.

im constantly caught up in the past,
in the what-ifs,
in the what-could-have-beens.

the future scares me,
so i retreat to nostalgia.
my favorite friend.

she makes my heart so sad,
yet so full of joy.

my life has become one of those dreams,
where you watch yourself ***** up from afar.
everything's perfect, everything's fine.
i speak those lies, for i can't even explain what it is.
all i can say is, i can feel myself slipping away.
i'm leaving myself behind,
goodbye.
to.
myself.