i don't know what you're up to tonight
i don't know what i'm up to most nights.

i ****** that guy the other night.
i couldn't tell you his name--first or last.
and i was ashamed to tell you at first--
but then it passed

and he doesn't care, or so it seems
and you are not there, so i'll stay here

ashamed and unabashed
by all my schemes

I love you so much
sometimes it hurts
but if i'm being honest
sometimes, it doesn't
sometimes...
it feels like nothing

i feel that cold shoulder of mine
get colder
I try to think of you
when you want to love
and to hold her
but the latter is the best you can get
and no love is left over

i'm sorry i'm like this.
I'm sorry we intertwist
often, i wish i was different
and as much as I fall for you,
i fall more for indifference

this hallway
impresses  
the stresses
in my head
the drama
of walking
finessing
on a thread

and what of
the traumas
and blessings
that I dread
makes walking
a straight line
impressive
if i'm dead

your belt
sits in a chest
under my bed

where your chest
met my head
atop of it.

neither my head
nor a chastity belt

i've felt

both rights of mine

like sunshine
in the valley of death

march 28 2021 at 2:26 AM

my heart cries
i hit these new lows
on this old drive
this passover
i'm on this overpass
passing over you
still i can't seem
to let the past go
or get over the past

or get over you

help me.
for if you
unleash me
upon myself
i would melt the heavens
and you’d freeze in hell.

May He forgive me for my role.
and my silence when you cried out for help
from me.

but hindsight
lagged behind
by a year
and that’s why
we’re here
where
20/20
is merely a year

i’m sorry i failed to see
what was right in front of me
i can’t say today
you’d be proud of me
because since you left
and it’s been just me here
i have yet to reflect
or face what’s left of me
let alone accept the rest
in peace
and so it will be
till you let me feel
you’ve accepted my apology
then we can rest in peace

i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry

April 25, 2020 3:08am