I don’t know how to say that I’m not okay
Without feeling like a burden on someone’s day
I think other people feel the same
I think it best to keep my words in a safe
Do you see the state of the world?
It’s a stage that’s all burnt
All’s broken and nothing works
Look at our leaders
Gaining it all at the expense of all the teachers
Look at my features
I think that I’m a four maybe at best a five
And yet I wonder what the hell am I doing alive
I feel like I’m a waste
When there are others who would love to be in my place
As if I don’t know that.
I’m not good at anything
Or at least not something profitable
But I won’t dare send myself to a hospital
If it ain’t something painless
I’m not gonna spend life making payments on my medical fees
I’m not at ease
The woman in the mirror’s saying “help me, please”
But where do I begin?
I know it’s something I must do from within.

My throat closes

Every single time

When I want to speak or let myself be heard, I close

I let others speak for me. In whistling tunes I found through the Tube or stories as told by those who live them

I find it is not my time to speak.

For only when I am utmost alone can I even utter a single sigh and still it displeases me of its occurrence

Perhaps voiceless to allow others the space they might need to be themselves. So why am I upset of it

Meek and meager
Never there when you need her
Your silence is louder than a train wreck.

This is heaven
I’m in heaven
Heaven sent from the clouds above
This location
Of God’s creation
I never thought I’d see
I never want to leave

Heaven inside you
Heaven is all true
Heaven’s been on my mind
Heaven within me
Heaven forgive me
Is heaven just in my mind?

Heaven is in her arms
But it’s hell without you here

Everything is Alien
I Don’t know where I’m at
Warped spaces, in transit faces
Straight lines don’t exist in this dimension

Was it a pull or was it a push
It wasn’t my gut and it wasn’t a fluke
My brain feels like it’s splitting from the inside
And I don’t have claws to scoop it out

Everything is alien
I don’t know who you are
What is a you and what is there to do
When surroundings shapeshift and change perception

What is even happening, response flight or fight
Everything now is shaded in doubt
Everything is Alien now

Everything is alien
I don’t know who I am
What is my name, where is my mind
I can’t even breathe, I know something’s not right

Everything now is shaded in doubt
Everything is Alien now

Don't say it
Oh, don't say it
Saying it changes everything

It's in your hands
The royal flush of my blush skin
You've got the cards to tear all I am from within

May your lust consume from March to June year after year
Before it's much too late for your sick guilt to disappear

All that's said in bed, young nymph lessons, life's not dead
Echo out those ancient stories in my head
Just how I won't say it first
Narcissus can't find the words
Lips so soft and silent
Actions not unspoken

Free me of this sickness
Get me out of my mind
This virus in my body
Keeps me awake at night

And I wait under the covers
Take my drugs, suppress my fever
But it's something I can't sweat out
The tightness in my throat
The aching of my bones
Burning behind my eyes oh tell me why why why why

I can't shake you off
I can't believe it
Dust inside my lungs
From breathing you in
Every cell in me has been contaminated
Put me under quarantine

Fires burning in my head
Don't think I've even left this bed for days
Time slips
And spills away
Keep getting sicker
Haven't found a way
To treat my symptoms or find my cure
I don't know what I'm looking for
As the hours pass, all I can think
Is how you (went and) infected me

And I'm so sick of feeling wrong
And coughing up my ******* lungs
Every bit of my being's getting worse
I became a victim of it first
I'm patient zero
And until I find you, then
I will never be healthy again