Vaniexe Kafka

Vaniexe Kafka Jan 13

traces

i won't leave traces
     that i'm changing into different faces
fooling people of my desires
i'm stranded on a wire
with just one wrong step,
     people will know the depth
     of my longing.

i'd like to think i'm only indulging
and will not forever be craving:
     the taste of your lips
     the way your hands fall into my hips
          as our breathes mingle
          as our tongues entangle
making my body all tingly,
leaving your scent into me.

there will be no traces
of this poisonous fruit my heart chases
     because this is just a phase
     i'll sober up one of these days

but for now,
     let your traces seep deep into my bones
     and let the room be filled with both our moans.

i can't remember why i wrote this, probably after reading a manhwa or sumthing

#toxic #traces #love #torn #dilemma #confusion #morality

Vaniexe Kafka Sep 2023

i don't believe in anything but i believe in you

i don't believe in fairytales
but i believe in you,
that happily ever after doesn't exist
but there is being together in this life,
and the next life,
and all the lives after that

i don't believe in "butterflies in the stomach"
nor the "sparks when we touch",
but i believe in you
of the worthwhile days ahead—
there may be tears we'll shed
but surely there'll be more days,
filled with bliss,
sneaking a hug,
and stealing a kiss

i don't believe in destiny
but i believe in you,
that everyday was a choice—
when you ran after me
after the first fight,
when i came back
after the breakup,
when you got down on one knee,
you chose me
and when i finally said yes,
i chose you
and i promise to choose you
every single day
for all the days to come,
until the next lives

every day
i will choose you.

this is inspired by a local song "araw-araw" by ben & ben. there's a lyric literally translated as: "i will choose you everyday" and it's just so touching

#fallinginlove #fall #in #love #sanaall #hopeall

Vaniexe Kafka Sep 2023

i blame the fates

the fates are so unfair
catching me unaware
that i have sauntered vaguely downwards
but keep putting me in despair
because i will never be the one
the one you'll honour as your partner
the one you'll stand with at the altar
the one you'll take your vows with
the hand you'll hold on the street
the body you'll hug in your sleep
and the lips that you'll kiss deeply and sweetly

it'll never be me
we can never be
i will just keep longing
forever hoping
that in our next lifetimes
you'll finally be mine
finally, it'll be us always all our days
that despite the circumstances
you'll choose me anyways

obviously, the "sauntered vaguely downwards" is from good omens which i am currently obsessed with

Vaniexe Kafka Sep 2023

maybe we should never have met

sometimes i wish we never met
then maybe it wouldn't be this hard to forget
every little thing,
every good morning greeting
etched in my being
caressing my heart
wrenching my gut

we should never have met
maybe then, i wouldn't have things to regret
i would never have been upset
whenever you haven't replied yet

now, sleep even evades me
just thinking you're angry
and i force to repress the hurt
when i picture you with someone
cozying in your arms
or you listening and loving her being whiny
and coaxing her whenever she's sulky

'cause you do all those things with me
so how can i accept it?

Vaniexe Kafka Sep 2023

resisting and indulging

these nasty intentions i tried to fight,
every ***** desire that should be kept,
i swear by the gods, must never come to light
chained beneath the depths of my secrets
where it will forever be locked
and imprisoned inside Pandora's box
that not even a glimpse
can be seen within the crevices
that not even my shadow will know
this ache crushing my soul

and with that, i would spend
my whole existence
resisting and indulging
every waking moment
of and with you

Vaniexe Kafka Sep 2023

butterflies? i hope not

it's heaven and hell
and everything in between

i feel so happy, excited, and anxious
on how my emotions, my hopes, and my dreams
delight and torment me
spilling their way towards you

the twinkling of my eyes,
my lips forming a smile
and the rumbling in my stomach
may all be caused by the butterflies
or maybe it was because of anxiety
for i know all too well
that we will always be
impossible.

Vaniexe Kafka Sep 2023

contented

i don't have the courage
to spill my feelings
or even fight for you

but i also don't have the guts
to finally, cowardly,
and undoubtedly give you up

tethering hopelessly,
i am contented to never be,
contented within an arm's length
for i am yours to hold
but you're not mine to own.

#longing #contented #sad #unrequited