I have memorized every inch of him
in hopes that when he goes
I might still have something left

but his picture fades with everyday
and now I have only shapes and shadows
of the man that I love

When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.

did you ever look to see if my window was open
like I looked for your car hoping to see you in motion
why do I always go back there?
like a grave of a loved one, I would still visit the thought of you every day
bringing along fresh flowers
is seems that the stone heart you gave me is stuck inside the ground
like the time I would beg to lay down in your arms
one glimpse and I worship your presence
maybe I romanticize the death of our love
boats were never made to stay on the shore
planes were not meant to lift high for those who can't pay them for
silence is more defeaning than the word goodbye
I cant see what the sun tries to tell me about you
if you've closed your eyes