Once, the static in my brain
Aligned so perfectly with the rushing in my veins
That it became central to my consciousness.
Perceived by my ears as an ever-rising crescendo,
My heart swelled, radiating pin-****** - painfully,
Down to my fingertips.
I was immobilized by dread,
And capitulation to fear was imminent,
As I realized the presence
Of an unwelcome and terminal essence;
It was striving for control, unwilling to settle for less.
I at first tried to fight- but the hold was too strong;
My limbs were too weak to fend for myself,
My mind too frantic to offer help -
So I accommodated instead, and ever since.

I let fear fog up my mind
My thoughts yell at me "I'm trying!"
While my actions show me
I want to let the light in

but I fall into darkness
all too often I hide away
and avoid the open blue sky
because the rainclouds distract my mind

the sky-blue sheet above me
only inspires every thought
I try to avoid to blow through
and bring rain from within

The moon shined so bright,

Your hands around my neck.

I thought I'd forgotten your voice

But your memory was all I had left.

Under the water nothing made sense.

The salt covered what I had left to hide.

My mind drifting to the light.

The feelings that took years to sink.

Under the moon's eye,

A different part of me came alive.

The grief that had drowned me then.

I should've stopped you but I don't know when.

Even if it's not really you, I can lie.

I went here in fear now I'll leave like I'm high.

So I reach out, not to stop you,

But so I can hold you, under this rocky tide.

I'm so glad to see you again tonight.

For the first time in a while and for the last time, goodbye.
-Percy

my heart soars in the clouds
but i fear it is icarus
and it’s beating will cease
before it melts and falls to the ground

for it only soared because of her
and any flight my heart had before
ended in a crash

never before has my heart hit the clouds
maybe the tops of trees
but any fall leaves marks

and a fall for her
would end in death

does it make you feel
like a big, strong man
to bring up my dead dad
and call him a loser
for being so sad?
and then to compare me
to him
like i don’t
stand a chance
to go anywhere
and i may as well
give up
and go to hell
because i’m already
living there
every day
is a nightmare
when i should be
following my dreams
and not my fears
but i’ve been fighting
with these feelings
for several years
i’ve cried the seven seas
worth of tears
and i’m done with this ****
i no longer want you here
i don’t need your negativity
dragging my bones through the dirt
i’m tired of being broken
and hurt
as you tear and rip
me down to nothing
and steal away my worth
i was put on this earth
for more than your
petty entertainment
my strings are being cut
and i’m no longer
letting you have control
it’s my world now, baby
and there’s a fire
blazing in my soul