sometimes I'm still afraid
of being seen
I'd rather be unknown
anonymous
and on my own
and on and on
and all alone

I try
to say I'm not afraid
why lie?
there's no one else
I try
to do things by myself
sometimes I'm still afraid to ask for help

sometimes I play the victim
even when that's only half the truth
sometimes I am the monster
when I cry
sometimes I am the wolf

sometimes I am the dragon
I am strong
I scare my fears away
sometimes I am so brave
only sometimes

sometimes I'm still afraid

there are things I cannot grasp
long though I reach out my hand
stare at the strange shape of darkness
watch until I understand

no boundary
outside the mind

I am the void
there is no
"I"

no horizon
undefined
there is no line

I am the sky

the fear of the unknown
is visceral and real for me

unending
cold and empty

I want to understand

how does it feel
to be a thought

to jump across the synapses

fly like a great ape
tree to tree

network to network
bridge to bridge

and when it kills another thought

does it feel guilty
does it mourn

does it want to be remembered
does it remember being born

does it make choices
does it know

when it gets lost
where does it go

does it fade
or turn into code

what waits at the end of the road

to change its way
to change its shape

what does that take

what hope
what faith

maybe it knows
or maybe not

ah well

it was only a thought

do not love me for my face
love me for my ways
my grace

do not love me for my looks
love me for my art
my books

do not love me because I'm young
love me for what I've said and done

love me for something deep
love me
love me for something I can keep

it is strange when I look back
at all the things I chose to say

poems about quantum physics
poems about DNA

I am quite aware that I might
come across a little odd

thinking about thinking
looking at the sky
looking for God

it gives me shivers when I see
the pattern running through it all

staring out into the void
and reaching out behind my walls

strange encrypted souls
building our bridges into the unknown

strange to feel so understood
strange that I am not alone