I cannot explain all the pathetic measures
my eyes will take to avoid your gaze,
all the paths my legs will journey to avoid bumping into you on my way home.
All the ways I knead my hands to the bone and all the toothpick excuses skewering my tongue.
And I cannot explain the way your presence deflates something inside my chest.
I don't know what to do with all that empty space. It echoes.
I fill it with the thimble's worth of pride that I scrape together,
every meager flake of validation I pick from the floor. I shovel slopping handfuls of sawdust
to try and soak up some of the shadows
but everything dissolves in that oily void, green and hideous.
God, it echoes, and everyone hears it.
I muffle it with my radio silence.
I look at you and I see everything I hate about myself
under a microscope.
Every blemish, every scar, every gaping hole
that you lack.
Stop, look. Here. Wrong.
Hear?
I blind myself with radio silence.
I don’t know how to live with an eternal reminder that I am incomplete.
You, and the place you hollowed without even knowing it.
Green and monstrous.
It echoes and everyone hears it.
I love you, but I cannot explain my radio silence.

she couldn't stop.
it was addicting,
seeing the blood flow from her wrists.

she loved the pain,
although she didnt know why.

he broke her heart,
but she liked the way it felt.

she was addicted,
addicted to pain.

she loved him
and he loved the way she loved him

darling, i wish you hadn't lied when you said you loved me
darling, i wish you hadn't broken all your promises
darling, i wish you loved me the way i love you
darling, i wish you'd considered my feelings
darling, i wish you didn't make me so sad
darling, i wish we could've lasted longer
darling, i wish you cared more about me
darling, i wish i didnt love you so much
darling, i wish we were something again
darling, i wish i made you happy enough
darling, i wish you didn't like someone else
darling, i wish we could have been even more
darling, i wish you hadn't hurt me the way you did
darling, i wish you'd been more careful with my heart
darling, i wish we could have done everything we planned to