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Eslam Dabank Nov 2023
For the first time ever; I truly do not care
    if you, him, or her wished me a happy birthday;
But, I wouldn’t mind if you did. Though it is fair;
    I am one of the lesser friends; I am a boring play;

A play so fake; I am of made up characters,
    Sometimes I am the flattering villain in smiles,
And at times I am a copy of the Westerners,
    At others, I am gullible, yet I never am;

I pretend to be; but I am miles away,
    For interesting I am not; so funny at least be,
Says my brain; for maybe they will remember,
    That my birthday was today; It is an endless plea:

I always remember and prepare pages of wishes,
    For almost everyone, but all I get is 4 days late
One liners sent out of guilt; to stop the guilty itches,
    Not out of care, love, or from genuine friendly state;

I deserve it; for again; I am merely a boring play;
   A paradoxical headache of weird introverts,
And annoying extroverts; I barely even weigh,
    To a normal person; I am made of endless alerts;

Alerted, focused, attentive; all on your acceptance;
    I am what I feel you want me to be; a nice man,
A racist gangster, a diplomatic figure; I am resemblance,
    I resemble everything I see in you and scan;

I am stardust that was never meant to shine,
    I am a thread; intertwined as I feel pleases,
I am a road with temporary signs; I am grapes;
    For you I squeeze myself into juice; or ferment

Into wine; I am a fake play where you write scripts,
    I submit, because all I cared about is receiving,
A birthday wish. On that one day in the entire year;
     I do not want even want gifts; because when you don't,

I feel like I am ceasing to exist; slowly deceasing
    from everything that we were: teenagers ambitious,
WhatsApp stickers collectors, School runaways,
    Kids deceiving; it feels like I am dead; for the dead

Do not receive birthday wishes; I feel peerless;
    A white beans *** lidless, a body complete limbless,
A walking sickness, a moving flesh in stillness,
    unpardoned by my faux and obvious silliness.
  
I do not care about not getting birthday wishes;
         But I cannot not overthink what it means.
Jeremy Betts May 2022
(song)

I'm only human
I am not perfect...
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it...
Yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human

Sometimes I don't wanna carry on with this life another day, but that ain't the thing to say, at least not out loud anyway
My carry on is baggage and part of me but can't stay? I need it to remind myself what had hurt me along the way
It's completely intertwined with my destiny, seemingly by design, forged by my raw history gone astray
So not by the fire burning within per say but rather by a flame that got carried away, lighting up my dismay
Not a phoenix, no rising from the ashes, I just claimed them as my own then created a home
A collection of stone after stone thrown in my direction become the cornerstone of the foundation I raised all alone
Harvest my own backbone to support the load, structural integrity is homegrown
Get blown down, just rebuild, try to hone my skill to out will what I've sown

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
Understand all I can be is just me

**** and moan, scream and cry to an empty auditorium, my lithium battery drained and I don't know where to go get some from
All thumbs and numb, fumbled the mission, what's done is done, can't be undone, self reflection is no fun so I play dumb
When reality hit it stung, my demon won, a surprise to no one, all attempts to enter the ring ended with me caught up in the top wrung
Can't predict the future but I see the inevitable outcome, only one lonely track on this self titled album
Said track is a sad song, repeat stuck in the on position and so loud I didn't get off stage at the sound of the gong
Not only did I play the biggest part of my downfall but tragedy overshadowed comedy in this parity type sitcom
I can pin point precisely when and where it all went wrong but can't explain why I kept on this particular path for so long
Prayed for help then buried my head in the sand before it came along, popped up only to find it already gone

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
What you see is the only me I can be
I'm only human, yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human, yeah, I don't feel human
...what am I doin'?

I slip and trip more often than not, trapped in the web of a side plot, main story got lost in the shuffle, it happens a lot
Forgot to implement basic self maintenance leading to rot spreading to every thought
So I question the thought that I ought not lower my defenses, got caught in the in between, can't connect, lost a dot
Struggled with the day to day, fought just to get to a level playing field, all for naught
Yes, it was me, I did it, I hit the self destruction button too quick but it didn't say elimination, it was simply labeled quit
No mention of a death certificate or that it would make the feelings of my inadequate existence permanent
I couldn't keep my whits about me, lost sight of what was important, my insecurities the culprit
Don't think for one moment though that attention is why I did it, it most certainly isn't

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
What it is you see in me

Responsibly taken, still forsaken, got front row seats to my damnation but it's a rerun that I'm tired of watchin'
Internalized everything behind blue eyes, an examination taken place with no follow up explanation given, why are the results always hidden but lurkin' right outside my field of vision
The implosion of my life left a broken man child chokin' on the pieces left and your sinister laugh proves you think I'm jokin' or just enjoyin' what you're seein'
The implication bein' that there's no salvation, no savin', tried on the shoe and continue to wear it, it fits to perfection
Pretend not to listen so you can't be guilted into any type of action at all, and so you're not looked at as responsible
And that's reasonable, you let out a little nervous laugh and giggle cause it makes you feel uncomfortable
And that's just a small taste compared to my mouth full, out of mind, out of sight not possible
The blowback was powerful, not mindful of everything I don't know, what I do know now is I was never in full control

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
This isn't the me I want to be
I'm only human, yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human, yeah, I don't feel human
...define being human?

©2022
Man Nov 2023
Cerulean;
How I shall never find myself
So fortunate an opportunity
As to see the clouds part.
But I still hope they do
Sadie Grace Jan 22
In this world, you will have troubles
painful troubles leaving you empty
they tempt me to indulge in temporary pain relief
You know it in the form of liquid, pills, or razor blades
Soon the luster fades and I’m left with the same pain that brought me here and then some
New scars don’t fade
New addictions I can’t break
Am I here by mistake?
What I used to numb my pain turned into just another source of it
In this world, you will have troubles
It’s ok
"I have overcome this world of pain"
"In this world you will have troubles, but take heart for I have overcome the world." JOHN 16:33
George Krokos Oct 2023
Oh, it's in this area of love, I've been wounded too many times
that my heart has gone numb as I'm now left dabbling in meters and rhymes.
Simple Observation #465. From 'Simple Observations' ongoing writings since the early 90's.
leeaaun Sep 2023
In the heart of my dream place,
where I'd always yearned to be,
there's an inexplicable melancholy
that wraps around me like a heavy shroud.

It's curious, you see,
how one can stand in the very midst of their dreams
and still feel so profoundly distant from happiness.

It's as though my emotions have been muted,
rendered numb
by the overwhelming weight of this place.

The vibrant colors of my aspirations seem dulled,
the laughter I'd imagined echoes
only faintly in the recesses of my mind.

Here, amidst the fulfillment of my desires,
a shadow lingers—
a persistent ache that refuses to be dispelled.

I thought I'd soar in this dreamland,
but instead, I find myself
tethered to the ground,
my spirit heavy with an unexplained sorrow.
Man Aug 2023
It was always pointless,
I was just naive.
You were a disappointment:
The ways you lied to me.

Moist and runny
Loose lipped, ******
Once this host has died, latch
Onto a new body.

Entwined-
Somebody, stop me.
Everything I say, I never believe.
Every phrase and action

Nothing
If I killed myself tomorrow
Man Aug 2023
With what I've gone through?
On the other end of the stick,
It's a sick kind of feeling:
Once, I knew you.

Hollow words echo, speaking
Of what was then. And now I
Ask when? This love that
Rests, and has not died.

When do hearts mend?
How long before love grows strong again?
What will it take, will you ever understand?

Sumus qui sumus
Ego sum qui sum
Man Aug 2023
Silently, I wade through a dead sea
Forgoing the attempts, forlorn-
At regaining what I once believed:
To be real, to be deceived
The gambit run, when
Hearts are burning.

The faults of our stars,
Are that they linger
So far away.

And the crux of our minds,
Their aptitude for replay
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