i didn't intend
for it to seem pointed
that time the dog
accidentaly ******
on the
     church
              steps

seems so selfless
how could it be just to keep me from exploding from guilt?
turns out forgiveness is for the offender
there is no comfort for the victim
except a way forward

if these tears are no proof of my apology
will you accept a drop of my blood
I am tired of saying I am sorry
bathing in your forgiveness of mud
if tears are not enough to win mercy
then death is the remedy for life
my need for you to forgive me
is as thick as the need for a knife

Few things in life
feel as divine as
forgiveness.

To be told
that I am worthy
of a new start,
feels miraculous.

For all my mistakes,
I am not without hope.

it is tiring
always carrying
the world on your shoulders
tell me
honestly
how can you breathe
drowning in your sea of sadness
how long will it take
for you to see
the sun never rises
because you stay in your darkness
because you've only discovered
it is easier to be angry
than it is to be hurt
how does it feel now
realizing the heaviness in you
is what's weighing you down
because it is tiring
always carrying
what you think is the world on your shoulders
lay it all down
let it all go

I feel her love
But it is painful
In every gift I got from her
Something seems to be lost forever
I hope that it can still be found

In distance, melancholia
Fills up each moment of forgiveness
In self blame, doubt, I drown
Each feeling so that I -
Don't feel the pain and cry.

I try to see the positive
But guilt is underneath of it
What have I done?
What have I lost?
I am confused
And barely let her close.

I try. But there's a wall of what? between us,
Like a kaleidoscope, a picture hard to grasp.
It could be fears and anger,
But shame won't let me see beyond them, I confess.

Forgiveness, to forgive                    (for me)
Is essentially subtle- to a fault,
Beautifully it's practiced,
Yet inherently mistaught:
To ask of anything more
From the person you've done wrong
Is blatantly selfish, at its core
Pressuring them along.

Unless exactly, specific and honestly, you reiterate once more.
All the reasons which you petition forgiveness
And what you're sorry for:


To draw conclusions, assumptions and things, without the facts in place-
Was to right out start off in
an Unreasonable head space.
Furthermore, my tone of voice
And the disrespect it achieved
Is not what you- Alena, not at all
From me; should've ever recieved.

Lastly, explicitly I have to say;
I'm sorry for my aggressive words.
And the fact I reacted that way is
absurd
A retort- as a minuet or two, voice note
Deserved the block- and what you wrote.

I'm sorry about this- discrepancy
I actually enjoyed you working with me.
I'll leave this here for you to find, &
Hope these words were worth your time.
When you read, know these are sincere; my apologies- true.
Not just mere pretty, fluffy words for you.

Poetry's something I, almost know, you appreciate~ so heres an apologistic-free vers hyphenate.