The brightness
of the morning sky
pierces my eyes
birds gladly chirping
in merry exultation
a distant radio blabbers
hunkering for someone's
valuable attention...

The leaves appear to me
as lovely emeralds --
a beautiful, greenish hue
the trees sway monotonously
as if compelled
in a steady dance
absentee music:
silence.

I am aware.

Today marks one month of sobriety.
I’m happy with myself I’m staying clean.
I’m experiencing first hand why getting clean seems like an insurmountable task,
why it’s inherently formidable.
It’s not because of the task of getting clean itself, its because of everything that’s in my face while I’m clean-
the trauma, the distressing emotions & thoughts, the self defeating conditioning. It’s all clear as day, it’s inescapable now.

Being naive is undeniably more blissful,
Better than this self aware nonsense

you're a screen.
a glass.
but you fell face first and now you're breaking.
you've always been breaking since early before.
the shards come loose and fall with the dirt.
you're always losing shards.
why are you so cracked.
why can't you be one whole glass, one full screen, maybe with a few scratches but the cracks are too deep and you're falling apart.
stop falling apart.
i don't want you to crack all the way and become destroyed.
you're already cracked enough.
you've been dropped but fixed but dropped one too many times and you need a surgeon to help replace those shards you lost along your journey.

you're very oh so gentle and delicate.
maybe even one more drop can cause you to break completely.

you're such a flower.
so beautiful. but once you start picking at the leaves, it starts to decay. it starts to rot.
you pull off the pedals and mess with the stem, slowly suffering.
pull the flower out from the ground and you're a goner, you don't know how to replant, do you? no, you don't. so you die.

i don't want you to die.
i don't want to lose you.
my flower.
beautiful and powerful but yet so delicate and light.
so easily to be taken to the route of death.

i'm no flower.
i'm just a rock.
not beautiful.
not delicate.
but too rough and scarring.
i hate being a rock.

i break things.
i don't fix much.
i'm a burden.
i'll always be there.
in the corner looking at the flowers, but if i get too close i'll crush you and your beauty, your power.

i've crushed you enough as a rock.

i wish i could change
but i don't get to do anything different it seems like.
just a ******* burden on everything.

Work on you brand God intended for you.
Focus building a team with the same goals as you.

Become an asset with your spouse who believes in your creativity.
Don't come around if you're only a liability.

Key to success is faith, focus, & being fierce.
Not a "9-5" job that includes a 4-year degree.

At the end of the day,
It really is what you know & who you know that becomes important.
Pay attention to all signs & don't forget this message in the morning.