one time i dreamt i was a boy and i haven't really stopped since.
the dream followed me around all day, as if i wasn't meant to live anyway.
dream of mine, can you stop ?
i know that you are beautiful,
i see your truth and your lessons,
the way your hands look like mine but can hold a lot more of the world in them,
i love you, i truly do,
but i am the only one.
dream i dreamt, i beg you to stop,
because maybe i will never reach you,
and that hurts me way more than you do.

“Who’s the lucky guy?” someone asks
“Their name’s Bea,” I reply
“I support that,” they hesitate
“You are so brave.” they add

I never saw their lips as a political statement
Nor did I think holding hands in the front seat
while a friend is puking by the side of the road
Was some kind of revolution

How romantic is it
That our story will be etched
Not in some Neruda poetry book
But a professor’s first textbook
Or a college student’s 2 am essay

When I said I was in love
You thought it meant I was hungry
Not for touch or for pleasure
But for justice and freedom
I didn’t know that
When I run my fingers down her neck
It would be tied to a long Twitter thread

I never saw my love as a battleground
A metaphysical exploration of sexuality
What’s Marxist about the way their eyes
disappear when they smile?
What’s so intersectional about
Our entanglement at the back seat
Or our hands holding in front

I never thought I would be so brave
At my most fragile state
So political
In my most dumbstruck ways
So woke
When I’m asleep in her embrace

I have a vision of my future
one I’m not sure could ever come true
A vision where the world won’t  judge
the love I share with you

A vision of my future
where I could have the guts
To hold your hand in public
Hold each other on the bus

I wish that I could find a place
where I will not be shamed
For gazing in your pretty eyes
that lack in any pain

I wish we could get married
without hearing a complaint
And no one thought twice of our lives and we were normal, plain

But as we walk the sidewalk
most people stare and gawk
As though we are a freak show
or evil they must stop

I only want to love you
Without living in fear
I wish that I could say “I do”
and keep my lovers near

I am falling
Perpetual spirals into the dark
I feel my hands grasping
As air passes through my fingers
Something feels off and
I really can't tell
If the caution is real
Or a phantom of my fear
I'm in the land of ghosts and demons
Haunted by these oppressive memories
It's hard to know what's worse
The monsters or the claustrophobia
Flowers can't bloom in the darkness and
Humans cannot thrive in isolation
This place is lifeless, suffocating
Only tolerable through inebriation
Kindess is but a mask here
Trusting no one a necessity
Half these people want me dead
And a quarter could care less
Don't tell me I'm overreacting
When even family aim their guns
I've made my escape and now
I know what growth feels like
I've tasted the freshness of freedom
Witnessed the miracle of peace
It is not like this everywhere
So don't try to normalize this hate
I found celebration beyond tolerance
And I've built my home there
This place is a noxious poison and
I'm done trying to survive it

I can’t help but smile when she enters a room
  Beautiful hazel eyes that hold memories that will never go stale,
soft curls that dance with the breeze,
a smile so warm that it melts me into nothing more than my tender heart,
high cheekbones smattered with constellations
  She is endless possibilities and the flame of adventure
  Brilliance, spoken with a voice that not even the gods could hope to have
  Her love is the lick of a flame over your skin that never burns
  It’s the laughter of Icarus as he fell,
relishing in the scalding wax dripping down his spine and tang of sea spray
It’s the taste of herbal tea with a dollop of lavender honey on an autumn evening
There’s nothing quite like it,
overwhelming in the best of ways,
a taste of what it means to live instead of survive
It is an understatement to simply say that I adore her,
it is so much more than that
I don’t think that the word to describe it’s depth has been invented yet
She’s taught me of a love that is incomprehensible to the unacquainted mind
She embodies life