Sweet, toothache smile, wonky,
Chipped tooth greedy grin, melts my insides.
My name written in your quicksand brain -
Funny how you don't even know me,
But you know the details of my body.

Fill me up with freedom,
Take me away for a night,
Your voice soothes me, breaks me in one.

Fake face to everyone,
A people whisperer, professional charmer.
But I want to see the specks of dust
In your unkept room; the glitter of your life.

I know you would shatter my heart
If I let you, but sometimes my
Mind is weak and still, I think of you,
Of us.

Our explosive, violent storm of passion,
Never a muted moment, just a
Flickering rush of fiery compassion.

But why do I still lie here,
Eyes closed feeling your phantom skin,
Imagining us staring into the night
Holding each other, talking for hours about life,
About your poor mum, and your dad and his new wife.

I trace my fingers on your back,
Hungry for you, all of you,
Not just that infamous fake face,
Hiding a reality too hard to retrace.

it could be a sign;
that the ring
didn't fit easily
on the finger
effort was needed
it had to be forced
or it could
just be temporary
joint effusion
perhaps an unexpected
weight fluctuation
meaning nothing
yet i'll assign significance
to fit the narrative
feed anxieties
and support
a predetermined belief

I'm just trying to understand, what I am to you...
more than songs we've exchanged.. midnight calls..

Sleep is a trial period for suicide
You lay there, try to fall asleep
          trying to end it all
Your mind doesn't quiet down
You run through everything from that day
          everything in your life
And slowly the talking quiets
Slowly you start getting peace
          slowly you start to hear everything around you less and less
          every voice, every noise is fuzzy
Your eyes get heavy
          your eyes get heavy
You let the idea of temporary sleep take over you
          you let the idea of sleep take over you
You sleep, for however long you can
          you sleep for forever
But you wake up
          you don't wake up
And you get up and you live your life
Because you're too afraid of what suicide means
You're too afraid of what you leave behind
You're too afraid of leaving your mom
To leave her to grieve her only daughter
Her world
You're too afraid to leave your cat
Who loves you dearly
And wouldn't know why you abandoned her
When she was sent down from heaven
To save you
But you can only put so much pressure on an animal
But know matter how sad you get
You know you could never take your own life
So you go to sleep
Because sleep is suicide for the scared