Time brought the joyride to a halt,
Incompatibility being her prevailing issue,
She was my first love.
Even though I tried,
It all ripped apart,
Tearing in front of my eyes!

I escaped my shadow,
Of guilt and loneliness,
By inviting her to curse me.

She said, "You'll repent this,"
I replied, "Who's gonna care about it,"
She started, "You may take it lightly, but one day you're gonna fall off the hill -"
I interjected, "I'm just not gonna take it baby - chill!"
She smiled weakly, "I know that you would love again,"
I said, "No doubt about it, the world is cuter,"
She uttered her curse, "But you won't ever be satisfied!"
I invited few more curses, "Go on, come on - continue your curses!"
She went on, "You'd pay for my tears with your blood!"
I taunted, "Okay! More - just go on baby,"

She snarled, "You'll die feeling lonely in this whole wide world!
The way I find myself lonely under your possessiveness,
You too will feel unloved and unwanted."
I jeered, "Whoa! That scares me to death!"
She continued, "You just can't die so easily,"
I jeered, "Hey that's not like a curse, you can't curse so sweetly,"
She blasted to end it, "Just wait & pray for death to come early!"

True she was, the witch,
My life goes on like her curses,
How true they were!

This angers taking over
I'm a fighter but a loser
Back to a devil on each shoulder
I'll have no one if I lose her
Standing at a crossroad
Trying to remember what I've been told
Not the first time, might be the last
Caught up in the days of futures past
'Till it's over

©2023

(First draft)

An authentic smile defeated then deleted long ago, zero chance of winnin' stretchin' all the way back to my beginnin'
It was a genuine expression that slowly melted to an unrecognizable reflection
All pigmentation givin' way revealin' a secondary, ghostly stand in
Granted, it happened in my formative years before I was abandoned due to the mutation
But the impact has been felt through forty somethin' calendars and countin'
A true representation of life's failed mission, I'm guessin'
Not necessarily my opinion but one every other person is holdin', no question
Still wouldn't say it's been a waste but the needles strongly leanin' towards no reason for existin'
An overall lack of position, doesn't seem like I was designed to fit in, that is if my life has been any indication
I manage to make it to and through the proverbial one more day but where's the lesson?
This just feels like non-monetary extortion of a life-sized portion
Take far more than what's given, with or without permission
I'm still in competition with myself, the prize, livin'
The compromise, loosin' myself in a broken system or durin' the transition
The eradication of an inner companion, replacin' compassion with aggression, smooth sailin' with frustration, no direction, no validation
The transition to curmudgeon happened earlier than expected, drawin' parallels from the curious case of Benjamin Button
Not for nothin', the infestation of negative thoughts caused a mutation inside and out, completely loosin' what it means to be human
It's not a lose lose situation, and it sure ain't win win, and any other option, I'm guessin', got lost in translation
But I'm pretty sure somethin's gotta end in order for another somethin' to begin, at least that's what I'm hearin'
Still can't find a reason that justifies the conviction, is what I'm feelin' damnation? Is what I'm seein' my own creation?
It could just be that no matter what I'm not goin' to enjoy the conclusion, not allowed to settle on your preferred endin'
No fat lady singin', just a band playin' as I feel myself sinkin' into oblivion so pardon me for givin' up on salvation
It should go without sayin' but you're waistin' away waitin' for divine intervention, be careful what you use for inspiration
It may not be your intention, but there's no hate like the love of a christian, I'm just sayin'
Pay attention, who you're praying to every day may not be the one listenin'

©2023