Trying
Trying to form
Trying to form the thought
It hurts too badly
The toilet calls for me
Trying
Trying to find
Trying to find the shirt
I lost in my stupor
Wretching at every step
Trying
Trying to think
Trying to think of where
In the ******* I am
Who's house is this?
Trying
Trying to force
Trying to force the water
To stay inside my stomach
Every breath brings more *****
Trying
Trying very hard
Trying very hard to stand
The room spins in a terrible way
Fall to the floor alone
Trying
Trying not to
Trying not to smell
The smoke and whiskey stench
Throttling the air around me
Trying
Trying to remember
Trying to remember my steps
Bringing me to this painful juncture
Lost memory blackened out
Trying
Trying to will
Trying to will myself
Into believing this is my house
And that I need help here.

I work too much to think,
I think too much to work.
one minute I'm playing games,
trying hard to stay sane,
and then at my face I stare,
trying to fix my hair.
funny how time flies,
when you're doing twenty things at once,
I'm not the other guys,
it's been way to many month.
it's funny isn't it?
you try hard to keep your mental,
but your mental is detrimental to potential to have potential.
I despise the way you cry in the rain to hide the pain, when you try to hide the tears, and shelter all your fears, it's been way too many years, so you change it with the sheers, one hair at a time, counting down all of the crimes that happened to your life as you're reaching for the knife, screaming on the inside, but my words you don't abide when I'm trying.
I'm just trying.
****** I'm trying.
I'm trying.

I walk away in a silent vision of all things that are violent.
changing the description of faults, you default back into the shell as if it were your fault, but it's none but their own from what the records show.
And I try to make you see that inside my eyes you'll see a soul that's ment to be the reason that you breathe. but my words you don't abide, but I'm trying.
I'm just trying.
I can see, that you're trying.
I'm trying.

Delirious to the mysterious succession of the furious fears that settled in to the demons that are near to us and thus we make them dear to us.
my friend you are just missing out on what your life could be all about. a future that you surely doubt but realise that you're finally out. so wipe away the salted wounds that only you can see and despite all of the water you have to let yourself breathe because you're free. but my words you don't abide but I'm trying.
I'm just trying,
she not special but you're trying.

In the end do you love? or perhaps it was lust? or perhaps it was a must, for you to claim your trust. that you lost from your past? as a child you didn't last very long in a fight internally ignited by the crazed human beings that you said you wanted to show you your affection? instead of dereliction of a fantasy of perfection? and I read all of your sections and my words you don't abide even though I try.
and man, I am trying.
stop fighting it and try.
I'm just trying.

Albeit that you must realize who I am. I'm ashamed of what I was, I'm ashamed of what I became. I could never hide my sin, and I never could fit in, no matter friend or kin. so I hide the voice within trying to tell me to let them in. but what you know is just the skin. and you see.
the skin sheds.
as it dies, it tries to hide.
and me? I'm just trying.
so a hermit I will become.
because all I do is try.
and for now.
I'm done trying.