sometimes things just fall apart
there’s no fixing them because it’s beyond fixable
so throw it out and get a new one

people always ask why i hate christmas
i always tell them that it’s overrated
i never mention the crushing weight of feeling as if i owe one month of happiness to my family
or how the happy families make my heart break under the knowing that i will never have that again
or the loss of so many so close to me and so many traditions gone that it’s so hard not to hate it when you are forged on the grounds of bad memories

you can always tell yourself that you’re fine
but if you don’t believe it
did it really happen?

usually when somebody takes off their rose colored glasses
they understand more
become more intune with their feelings
appreciate their friends and begin to love more
all it does is remind me how lonely i am

you wonder if you’ll ever recover from the overwhelming pain
and if you don’t?
what can you do?
you fear the future but hate the present
where can you go?
you’re running around in circles unable to break free

i watch as the people around me laugh and talk about their lives
i’ve never felt more alone than i do in a high school cafeteria
it’s too loud to hear but too quiet to talk

how long did it take you to forget?
the overwhelming pain that latches onto your heart and won’t let go
it will always be there
watching
waiting
for you to break
you are surrounded and there is nothing you can do to rid of it
because this is what your life is now
constantly drowning in the waters that are depression