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Alex Rappel Aug 2022
...

Since the day I met you, I have been seeing colours—
Of blue tango, dahlia, bird of paradise,
Persian buttercup, daylily, even hibiscus—

...
Just a fragment of an unfinished poem. This is all I could scavenge.

Written on 15 April 2021 about a man who later found somebody else<3
Alex Rappel Aug 2022
I just want a long, tight hug from anyone. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to get one even from my own family. Are they afraid of affection? But they can hug others just fine, so why am I the only exception? Am I missing out on something? I remember crying alone until my sister saw me. I didn’t say anything that day. I went for a hug as soon as I saw her, but  I was afraid that she would reject me somehow, like she always did. She didn’t, though, but I could feel that she didn’t know what to do let alone what was going on, so I let go as quickly as I could. I didn’t feel what I was looking for. Not warmth, not welcoming arms, and certainly not a sense of safety, of security. Or even love. It was a terribly difficult night. I cried even harder afterward. Something about being a family fools you into thinking there is affection all the while it doesn’t exist in this reality.
Written some time in 2020. I'm basically trauma dumping.
Alex Rappel Aug 2022
i have been having many dreams lately
the good, the bad, and the *****
lace curtains breezing at the touch of morning air
your face bare, the curly maze of your hair
undoubtedly an invitation for a quiet admiration

your little nose with its bridge slim and high
sits perfectly on your well-sculpted face
if poor apollo sees you,
this, i am sure the world would ignite
sparks seeping into your mortal veins
demeter, she would try to suffocate you
with wild flowers growing inside your lungs
aphrodite shall drown in her very own ichor
and replace poseidon’s kingdom with eternal tears
for she knows she could never overcome your beauty
artemis would fall out of the sky
with poison arrows piercing through her heart

the way your teal dress kisses
every curse of your body reminds me
of the time you angered hera because
zeus could only look at you and nothing else
there was a baleful thunderstorm coming
yet there you slept, safely and soundly
my arms shielding you in case she would come
but hera never dared, threatened by your power
to move the sea if you wish for land
to shatter the earth for fun if you desire
the hearts of olympus you have captured
within your tiny palms and i question:
am i worthy of such greatness?
an empress from a foreign land who speaks
with every word of innocence and affection
Written in November 2019

A Greek myth themed poem? By me? Who would've thought.

I was inspired by a dear friend who has been posting on here recently, so I figured I would post whatever I have in my notes app. Just for the memories.
  Aug 2022 Alex Rappel
A
Dear death,

I have met life,
He wants me to fight,
But I'm so weak-
So can we meet?
Alex Rappel Apr 2021
I am staring at the wall
It stares back at me
Blank, heavy;
It has listened to everything I had to say.
There is a scribble,
A weirdly neat handwriting:
NOSCE TE IPSUM
Latin, huh? Funny
When have I ever been so sophisticated?
Beside it a reminder I rarely read:
“You are nothing but
my pride and joy.”
How I value others’ words but never mine.
My eyes are becoming a little heavy.
Alex Rappel Apr 2021
i have not felt like myself lately
but then again, what is that
even supposed to feel like?
Alex Rappel Apr 2021
for some time now i have been thinking about the possibilities of my beloved having drowned in the same abyss as my own. i will not ask them—no, i do not think i can, because for the longest time i thought that it was only i whose lungs had been suffocated with the inner conflict of whether or not my thoughts meant something, the confusion of whether or not what i had been feeling were mere ghosts of forgone memories.

for reasons like this i have decided to remain sunken, a living ship wreck, half fallen apart. how dare i assume the best of them when i knew fully how sorrow shines the brightest when Moon hides herself, too cowardly to confront Night.

perhaps i have been achingly comfortable with the growing silence of dusk. all are quiet except chirping birds and a few hundred tireless, dissonant fragments of the mind. how frightfully calm they become as day breaks—a melancholic melody

this is when i decide i probably should stay awake to let life flash before my eyes for another day.
I wrote this after finally having realized that my close friends have been through the same things as me. They expressed them through poetry, like I do.

Surprise, surprise — it's very cheesy and redundant.
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